Random Thoughts of a Supersmock

I think our society is full of people who say things like, "I'm such a hot mess," or "I look terrible today," only hoping the person they're talking to will immediately respond, "No, you're amazing! You have it all together!" But what happens when someone agrees? What if they say, "Yeah, you are kind of a mess right now," or, "You could probably do a few things to improve your appearance"? Ouch. Even when there's some truth in what they're saying, it can be crushing to hear. We may have been the ones who started the criticism, but that doesn't mean we actually wanted anyone to agree with it. I know I'm guilty of this. I'm very good at negative self-talk. I can point out all my flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings without needing any help from anyone else. But if someone agrees with those criticisms, it still hurts. The truth is, most of us are much harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. We don...

With students heading back to school and many beginning their accounting journeys, I've been reflecting on what makes this profession so rewarding. Most finance and accounting positions focus on the data and reporting. Close the books. Prepare the budget. Manage cash. Ensure compliance. All important. But every once in a while, you come across a position that asks something completely different: Do you care about outcomes, not just reports? Do you challenge the numbers instead of simply reporting them? Do you like a scoreboard, and does it drive you to be more strategic and growth-focused? As someone who has spent much of my career in accounting and finance, those questions really hit me. I've always believed the best accountants aren't just historians documenting what happened last month. They're partners helping shape what happens next. They aren't satisfied with simply explaining variances. They want to understand why they exist. More importantly, they're wi...

I have been experiencing a lot of this in my life recently. Being a Type A person, I have always strived for excellence. I read books on how to improve my mind, body, and soul. I have a million Pinterest ideas on how to maximize my time, money, and energy. I have always measured myself against the standard benchmarks of life, and I believed that striving for excellence was the ultimate goal. I don't know why, but recently everything in my life seems to be telling me, "Forget that." My newer employer doesn't care about maximizing talents or truly increasing KPIs to reach our prime potential. They care more about people feeling good than doing good. It's been a hard adjustment, to say the least. I see it showing up in my own goals, too. Maybe it's me getting older. Maybe I'm slowing down. Or maybe it's the reality of showing up every day to a company that doesn't promote that relentless pursuit of excellence. Whatever the reason, I don't seem to ...

I read so many things that say worrying is one of the worst things you can do, right along with being afraid. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can, in fact, change my mind. I can choose to stop worrying about things. Most of the time, that comes with the help of God, but I've also found that I'm simply less afraid than I used to be. For more than 20 years, we've worried about our kids. Truth be told, I've worried about all of them at least three times this week. I'm proud to say that's much less than it used to be, but it's still more than I should be doing. I know I'm not perfect and I'm far from who I am truly called to be, but I think this season is teaching me far more than I expected. I'm learning that it's okay to be bored. I'm learning to appreciate the little things rather than constantly chasing the big things. I'm learning that slowing down isn't weakness. Most of all, I think I'm learning to worry les...

I see him very often at the corner on my way to work. He reminds me of my dad in a lot of ways. The way he walks. His stance. Sure, my dad isn't a Black man with an eye patch, but he gives me the same vibes. I don't really know his story, but I see him often, and I pray for him every time I do. He always waves and carries the same sign. I don't typically give people things when I see them holding signs that say, "Please help..." Most of the time, I think the same thing many people think. They're just going to use the money to buy drugs or alcohol, or they're begging because they're too lazy to get a job. I even once saw a man begging on a corner walk over to his very nice car after collecting a few bucks. So naturally, I'm skeptical of everyone. But this man is different. Today, I had some cash, and I could afford to give him some. I've seen him for almost a whole year, and I hardly ever have real cash on hand. Today, I saw him start walking up...

I often say the wrong thing. I have gotten better over the years, but I have always been quick to speak and slow to listen. I recognize my selfishness and stubbornness. I recognize the moments when I want my words to wound instead of heal. I recognize when I want to elevate myself above someone else, proving that I know more or that I am somehow better. Lately, I have been learning what it really means to be "less than" myself and "more than" my ego. That is harder than I would like to admit. As the youngest in my family, I was always the one behind everyone else. Everyone got to experience things first, and whether intentionally or not, I often felt like I wasn't enough. Being told you're not enough can create a lifelong desire to prove that you are. Sometimes that proving comes through achievements. Sometimes it comes through your voice. I think that's why I have spent so much of my life wanting to be heard. Wanting to have the right answer. Wanting to...

I have come to a pretty significant realization in my life: I am, for the most part, a nobody. Don't get me wrong. I am somebody. We all are. But I am not anyone particularly important in the grand scheme of things. Over the course of my life, I have come across people who truly are somebodies. They are the kind of people who inspire others, accomplish remarkable things, and leave lasting impressions wherever they go. They are often admired, celebrated, and remembered. I was never one of those people. I wasn't unpopular, either. I simply existed somewhere in the middle. I had great friends throughout the years, though truth be told, I have often been a terrible friend. But that's a story for another time. This story is about being a nobody. There was a time when I desperately wanted to be a somebody. I believed it took something extraordinary to earn that title. Money. Power. Influence. Recognition. The ability to change the world in a visible way. I have none of those thin...

There have been times when I was actively looking for a new job, and there have been times when a new job found me when I wasn't looking at all. I can't tell you which employers I was ready to leave and which ones I wrestled with walking away from, but I can honestly say this: not all the jobs I've jumped to have been what I thought they would be. Some fell short of expectations, while others were so much more than I could have imagined. I'm not perfect, but I do think I'm more than just a financial historian reporting numbers and closing accounting books. I enjoy the challenge behind most of it. I like being part of building a business and helping companies improve and grow. Recently, I read one of the most interesting job postings. It asked: "Do you challenge the numbers instead of simply reporting them? Do you make the call and own the outcome? Do you want a target, the authority to pursue it, and the freedom to determine how you get there?" I thought, ...

I know it's important to surround yourself with people who encourage you, support you, and help you become a better version of yourself. I also know it's important to remove truly toxic people from your life, especially when they consistently cause harm and show no desire to change. But what about the people in the middle? What about family? The people who can be difficult. The people who don't always build you up. The ones who sometimes hurt you, frustrate you, or push every button you have. Yet somehow, they are still your people. In my family, everyone is a little unwell in one way or another, in mind, body, or soul. We're loud, opinionated, and more than a little nebby. We can be annoying, exhausting, and complicated. My childhood was dysfunctional in many ways, but it wasn't all bad. The older I get, the more I realize that "normal" is relative. What one person sees as a typical family dynamic, another may experience as deeply painful or even abusive....

In high school in the 90s, I took an Art class with Mrs. Finney—one of those teachers you never forget. She had this way of pushing us to see the world differently. Not just what was in front of us, but what could be there. She told us to think big, to be bold, to notice beauty in everyday things. For a kid like me, that mattered. My Senior year, my artclass took a fieldtrip to Fallingwater. At the time, I was already interested in architecture. I loved my CAD class—the precision of it, the creativity, the way you could design an entire space from nothing but lines and measurements. It made sense to me in a way a lot of other subjects didn’t. I wasn’t the best student. I didn’t think of myself as particularly smart, and we didn’t have money. College, especially for something like architecture, didn’t feel like a real option. I applied to my dream college just for the hell of it - Arizona State and the rejection came faster than anything ever has.  So even though I had this interes...

Over the last decade, I’ve worked closely with both architects and engineers - and if you sit where I sit in finance, you start to notice patterns pretty quickly. They’re both essential - smart, hardworking, and critical to getting a project across the finish line. But they think very differently about value, output, and money. Architects, in my experience, lead with vision. They care deeply about the design, the experience, how something looks, feels, and comes together. There’s pride in the work - and rightly so. The conversation is often about possibilities, beauty, and pushing the idea further. Engineers approach things a little differently. They want to know: Does it work? Is it efficient? What’s the most logical way to get there? And those differences show up clearly when you bring finance into the picture. Architects often see cost as something to work around or manage. Engineers tend to build cost into the equation from the beginning. There’s a natural focus on efficiency, opti...

Last week my granddaughter turned 1. Where did the last year go? I know I was a young mom, but I never expected to become a young grandparent as well. It’s strange and sometimes mentally hard. I always pictured myself as the fun grandparent—taking my grandkids on adventures, making crafts, and sharing laughter. But my granddaughter doesn’t live near me, and at times, I feel like I’m missing so much as she grows up. Life doesn’t slow down for anyone; I still have to work and carry significant responsibilities. I wish I could press pause and savor the little moments, but time just keeps slipping away. Still, I am grateful for the good relationship I have with my children, and I hope to build just as strong a bond with my grandchildren—however many I may have someday. It’s true: we never stop worrying about our adult kids, and now that concern extends to their children. No one tells you how hard parenting is, or that grandparenting comes with its own set of challenges and joys. As I refle...

I’ve worked for many different companies over the years, and I’ve experienced a wide range of workplace cultures and traditions. I feel grateful for many of the teams I’ve been part of, but I’ve also noticed how much companies struggle with one particular thing: employee engagement. Some companies do nothing at all. Some companies do a lot—sometimes almost too much. And a few, in my opinion, strike the right balance of engagement, culture, and benefits. But here’s what I believe is more important than any of that. Most people today don’t celebrate unless their company prompts them to. Think about how often managers take teams out to lunch—but only if it’s company-paid. My husband once had a manager who regularly treated his team to lunch out of his own pocket. That small difference made it feel genuine, personal, and intentional—not transactional. When everything is paid for, planned, and expected, it creates a lack of emotional investment. People often don’t care more when they’re inc...

 When I was a teenager, I asked my youth pastor a serious question. I don’t remember the exact words—something like What’s the meaning of life? It was probably a clumsy, overly dramatic teenage question, but I remember his answer clearly. He quoted U2: “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” At the time, I thought it was an odd response. He was mature, knew Jesus, and seemed to have a pretty great life. People liked him. He lived freely and appeared carefree. And yet—here I am now, the same age he was when I asked that question, sometimes saying those exact words myself: I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. I have a good life. A beautiful family—not perfect, but pretty amazing. A solid career. More than enough things. I take care of my mind, body, and soul as best I can. I’m self-aware… or at least I think I am. What I’m beginning to understand is the quiet truth behind that U2 lyric: I’m not actually lost. I’m in between versions of myself . That makes sense. I...

Having grown up in Pittsburgh, PA, I was raised on Mr. Rogers! (He's a legend who encouraged kindness, self-worth, and compassion.) This morning, as I was driving to work and mumbling at the cars cutting me off, I caught myself—and thought, “What would Mr. Rogers do?” I took a breath, smiled, and decided to give them a little grace. We never really know what others are going through, but kindness is always a good place to start. On this World Kindness Day, I’m reminding myself that small acts—whether it’s patience on the road, a smile to a coworker, or a word of encouragement—can make a big difference in someone’s neighborhood. 💛

In scripture the the number 40 generally symbolized a period of testing or trial.  Moses alone went though many rounds with the number 40.  40 years in Egypt to 40 more years in the desert and don't forget the 40 days on Mount Sinai twice.  I have been wondering about the things I've really accomplished in my 40 years of life... here's what of my 40 most significant accomplishments: 1. My faith in Christ 2. Getting married  3. Having a Daughter 4. Having a Son 5. My Time at Habitat for Humanity and knowing Millard Fuller 6. My Happy-Go-Lucky Attitude  7. My college Education  8. My Time at Wake Tech 9. My Time in Youth Ministry  as a youth group leader 10. Being a Seahorse 11.  Making a bucket list and checking a lot off it 12.  Coming up with goooooals to make myself a better person 13. Running a half marathon (..quite a few times) 14. Parallel parking in downtown Pittsburgh in ...

I have always loved random icebreaker questions like: What is your favorite holiday? If you were stranded on a deserted island, what is the one object you would want to have? As someone who is pretty much an open book and tends to wear her heart on her sleeve, I've always enjoyed exploring what makes me tick and what really matters in life. I'm fascinated by the things that shape us, motivate us, and make us who we are. That's why one question has always intrigued me, even though it consistently trips me up: Aside from family members, If you could invite any five people, dead or alive, real or fictional, to a dinner party, who would they be? It seems like such a simple question, but the more I think about it, the more it reveals about our values, our curiosities, and the people who have inspired us. Are you drawn to wisdom, creativity, innovation, humor, kindness, adventure, or something else entirely? For me, narrowing it down to just five might be the hardest part. Here a...

Birthdays always inspire me to do something: reflect on where I am, who I am, and who I'm becoming. What I've discovered as I've gotten older is that I'm becoming much more comfortable with my imperfections. We live in a world that constantly tells us to be "perfect." It's everywhere. Social media, advertisements, television, and even our phones are quietly telling us who we should be. The funny thing is, I've lived long enough to know that perfection doesn't exist. More importantly, I've learned that the world wants us to constantly question who we are and whether we're enough. Heck, even our phones automatically remove our flaws and make us look far more spectacular than we really do. Face Beauty Auto Real Life Me So today, I'm turning off the filter and sharing a few of my imperfections. 1. I have absolutely no musical talent. Whatsoever. When I sing along to the radio, which I do often and thoroughly enjoy, I'm usually out of tu...

So it happened.  My daughter graduated high school and went off to college - six states away.  Not just a college but a Military college.  (and in a pandemic...)  I thought I would cry, but I didn't.   It was as good as it could be. She looked nervous and unsure about the next chapter.  She knows that it will be more difficult and probably the hardest thing she has yet to have done.  She grew up quite comfortable and knows those comforts are gone for now.   It is all natural and part of letting them grow up.  I am happy for her next chapter and yet a little sad that I won't get to be an active part of it.   It makes me question all the years of parenting.. did I equip her enough to handle all the things life will throw at her... because I know life comes at you hard some times.  I know deep down things will be good, but will she have the strength to really preserve when things get tough?  I pray she does and I trust God's hand ...

Sometimes the things we want are really hard and we quit to easily.   Sometimes we don't quit and we find success. Sometimes when life throw us curve balls - we swing and strike out.  Sometimes we swing and knock it out of the park.  Sometimes we find ourselves at a crossroad and take the wrong path in the wrong directions.  Sometimes we stop and ask for directions and take the right path.  Sometimes we get lost.  Sometimes we get found.  Sometimes we just want to hide.  Sometimes we just want to seek.  Sometimes we love.  Sometimes we hate.  Sometimes we dance.  Sometimes we cry.  Sometimes we're amazed at the beauty, Sometimes we are sad by the ugliness.  Sometimes we live fully.  Sometimes we don't live much at all Sometimes - is only just sometimes.