Random Thoughts of a Supersmock

Recently someone I adore lost a loved one.  Her husband.  Suddenly and Tragically.  Just months prior to that a co-worker of mine lost his 5 year old son.  Suddenly and Tragically.   At times, I can't even imagine the pain and sadness.   Sometimes all we can do is grieve.  We know that grieving is all part of the design of this world.  It's normal, it's emotional and it's personal.  We know that it's good to grieve and we know that even Jesus did so.   Our human brains can't really put the pieces all together ... not fully... the reason that things happen aren't ours to control or even understand at times.   Why do people suffer?  Why does losing a love one hurt so much?  Why can't we make it all ok sometimes?   Losing a love one.. really makes us lean on God and the realization that this place isn't eternal.   Oh so easier said than done.. yes I know this but I have su...

One random afternoon, I decided to watch Trolls on Netflix... and no my kids weren't around.   The story line was ok (about happiness) and it reminded me a lot like the Smurfs!! I could help but love the part when the Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick sang one of my favorite songs of all time (True Colors by Cyndi Lauper)  The one little optimist troll finally gave up and became all dull looking... She was previous bright pink.  She was totally down.   Then the little dull troll pessimist (who was in love with the bright one the whole movie) started singing "True Colors" to her.     "The darkness  inside you can make you feel so small..."  "I see your true colors and that's why I love you..."  Then she magically gets her color back and then starts singing to him and he becomes all colorful.  Wow.  I think it made me cry!  "This world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear.....

Today is my birthday! And exactly Twenty years ago to this day, I packed up my life and moved from a small Pennsylvania town to Americus, Georgia.   Since College wasn’t something anyone thought I should consider right out of high school, I had signed up to be a Habitat*AmeriCorps volunteer.    I had a huge heart for Habitat and I wanted to give people a simple decent home.  But more Importantly I was set off to change the world.    I was a naive 18-year-old and God use that to shape and mold me.   So here I am 20 years later wondering what happened to that simple Yankee girl who… had big dreams and big ambitions to make the world a better place.     I have a pretty great life.  But I didn’t think I would end up here… a wife, a mom, an accountant… I am truly grateful for my life but sometimes I wonder what’s going on inside of me?  What’s my purpose and what’s Gods big plan because most days I am just...

A few nights ago, my huge Star Wars fan husband and I were talking about the upcoming Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi . Let's just say that, in our opinion, the movie was a huge letdown. We started discussing the various fan theories and characters from the franchise. During the conversation, I mentioned that I hoped Finn's character would have a smaller role in the next movie because, frankly, I find him annoying. Disclaimer: This is not about disliking any of the actors involved. I personally enjoyed characters such as Lando Calrissian and Mace Windu, and I believe John Boyega is a talented actor with a bright future ahead of him. My criticism is directed solely at the character of Finn (FN-2187) . In my view, Finn is the most irritating Star Wars character since Jar Jar Binks. In fact, there are several similarities between the two. It often feels as though the writers are working hard to make Finn's supporting character arc more compelling, but it hasn't real...

My daughter, currently a high school junior, is now convinced she should take a gap year. For a while, she's struggled with the pressure of making good grades and scoring high marks on college entrance exams. She was determined to earn a running scholarship and convinced herself that she needed to take a heavy load of AP and honors classes. Now, she just wants to travel. She's researched programs in Korea, Kenya, and Hawaii. To her, everything feels like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Last night, she told me she wanted to join Habitat for Humanity or AmeriCorps because her dad and I both did it. Maybe she doesn't fully understand what that experience truly entails. As I started to ponder the differences between my life and hers, it dawned on me just how quickly I grew up at her age. The circumstances were very different. Mine was a tough life. I never had the traditional college experience. When I left home on my 18th birthday, I never returned. Adulthood came fast, and ...

Too often, I fail to comprehend the splendor of what I have.  I've been trying to figure out why I take so many things for granted and how to really just be content. I'm not alone in this struggle.  We live in a world that is constantly telling us to buy more, do more, and to want more. I've been struggling with how let go of the everyday annoyance that keep me from enjoying the simple things. Recently while traveling, I asked myself "Why I'm always in a hurry to get there?" "Why don't I have time to stop and take a photo of the sunset or an old building that makes me smile." "Why don't I just enjoy the journey." I'm always in a rush because I want to get to my destination.  I don't stop and admire life and I am always telling myself ' you can enjoy that later in life.' As I get older I'm seeing th at I've become more content in certain areas but I have a long way to go in others. We must live wanting ...

As a working mother, it is very hard when it comes to summer and kids being out of school.  There is a sense of "mom- guilt" we have by putting our kids in summer camps all summer while you go off to work.  They always love the adventures they have, but there is a void ... that you didn't get to be with them. I have always made a big deal with creating summer traditions for our family to do together.  We have made a Buck Family Summer Bucket List for quite a few years now.  Our list always included fun - inexpensive things to do as a family.  Backyard Movie marathons, building sheet fortress and sleeping out in it, or playing laser tag in the dark (yes we have our own laser tag guns.) Some of  things we did one summer have become a new family tradition that goes on every summer bucket list.  A couple of those include the Annual Buck family Watermelon eating contest, going to Jordan Lake for stargazing, and the a...

Disclaimer: I am no movie expert.  I am no comic book expert.  I will not give away spoilers.   This review is just your average (wonderful) woman watching another (wonderful) comic book movie. We all have watched DC try to make a movie as good as Marvel, and frankly we are getting a little time of Marvel making so many movies, so it's great when DC has a hit ... and Wonder Woman was it! Let's just get it out there.. yes  Gal Gadot is HOT and having arrived to the acting gig from modeling not all that long ago, she's got great potential.  I loved her facial expressions, body language and heart throughout the movie. Diane Prince gets to experience all of what life is... and isn't.  She see's war, hated, heroism and love.  She becomes Wonder Woman in this movie... he beginning story. Her charterer is strong, independent, charismatic and loving... all the things I aspire daily to be.  (I wouldn't mind looking like her either...) As a wom...

I became a mom, around the time most of my friends were graduating college and living it up as young singles do. I never visioned getting married at 20 or starting a young family shortly after.  I certainly didn't have anything figured out but quickly learned what was most important. Being a mom has taught me...    -To laugh and be silly.  It's important to maintain a sense of humor.  Play dress up. Watch Cartoons. Dance crazy. Make mud pies.. and so forth.  Time is so short and before you know it.. you have a high school-er and almost middle school-er.    - To Embrace the mess.  The uncleaned house.  The dirty dishes.  The crazy wild bed head hair and the (endless) mounts of laundry just sitting in the corner.  No Mom has it figured out and you can't let life spills and mishaps bring you down.   - To stop comparing yourself.  For both mom's and children.  The grass isn't greener.  Ever...

Forgiveness is something we all struggles​ with.  Self include​d.  I have the ability to recognize when someone should seek forgiveness but often don't have the ability to actually do it. When I was 11 years old my uncle was murdered by a young 18 year old kid... because he was either jealous or simply didn't like my uncle.  The kid ended up getting aquitted of the charges since he had a good attorney. That kids life was never the same and truth be told he ended up taking his own life only a few years later.   My family felt that Justice was served when that young man died. But I'll never really know if my grandparents found forgiveness. As humans we hold on to so much: Pain. Struggle.  Addiction.  Hurt.  Sadness.  We don't forgive others because it's our way off remembering this bad things.  Unfortunately we believe that makes us stronger on the inside. As we get ready to celebrate Easter.  I'm reminded so much ab...

Spoiler alert... It's Jesus.  I have joked around this comic stripe for years... God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things.  Right now I am so far behind I will NEVER die.  ~ Calvin I continue to struggle with ... "My Purpose."  What are all those things God wants me to accomplish.  How am I doing?  Am I behind schedule?  Am I following the right path?  Doing the right things?  I tease and joke that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up ... because I am often uncertain what is my God given purpose... Last night, I was reminded that our God given purpose is Jesus.  We are all called to follow his lead and love like him.  I often realize that when I am too busy complaining about the world around me, I am missing out the things he wants me to accomplish right now.   Which is to shine his light and live a life that those who don't know him will want to know him because they know me....

Have you ever met someone that seems to be always - HAPPY?  Those people who always see the good.  Always smiling and always full of life.     Happy people are anomaly these days.  I was running around the park yesterday and not many people smiled or appeared to be happy.  People just looking at there phones, walking their dogs, running or listening to their music.  I guess I wasn't really all that surprised at most of the individuals I past, just trying to enjoy the beautify day or get through life.  But two people stood out to me during that run.   The first was A young women.  She was my age or a even a bit younger and she was pushing a child in a handicap stroller.  The boy had to be around 4 years old. He had a hat and sunglasses on, no expression on his face, and was clearly paralyzed.  I passed her multiple times each time she had a worn out frown as she pushed the bulky stroller.  The first time I saw her I p...

So I have been given a new opportunity and a new chapter in my book of life.   I am super excited about all the things I know God is teaching me and the ways he's rewarding me... but now I have to break up with my old job.  After a decade of service ... It's been nothing short of a roller coaster of emotions over the past couple weeks.  They say that quitting your job can be as heartbreaking as ending a romance and is that ever true.   I have fallen trapped into all the DON'TS.  Don't hold a grudge... Don't annoy your co-workers... Don't act like a short-timer...  My bad attitude over the past week and a half is not who I am and how I want to leave.   I have so many great memories and I find it strange that I am only remembering the bad ones.   I kept saying I was just following the steps of grieving and I kind of got stuck in Anger.  I am typically not an angry person.  Or I always seem to be able to move on and let things go. ...

Over the few past weeks (maybe even a few months) my live has seen a variety of changes that will be soon taking place. After 13 years ... we recently left our church and last month have started settling into a new one. After 10+ years of employment ...  I just have accepted a new job with a new company. I have purged well over 2000 things in my home over the past two months in efforts to become less involved with things and more involved with life experiences. I started blogging more and being more creative.  Painting and playing and reading and learning. I have found myself cutting out the things in my life that don't really hold value and reducing my overall stress levels. I have unplugged from many social media sites and plugged into prayer and reading more.  I started writing letters to old  friends and recently rekindled writing in a journal. I feel God leading me in new ways ... teaching me new things and changing my old heart all over again. ...

I am relearning some old life lessons since putting in my resignation at work.  Sadly, I have seen this with both friends from our formal church ... and once again with soon to be ex-work colleagues.    I find it amazing how people can write "I am so happy for you" and "Oh you will be so missed" and then completely write you off as a person... almost as if you didn't even exist or your years of service and dedication meant nothing.  Your friendship meant nothing. Life can be cruel and I am reminded how broken we are as humans. I am constantly meditation on the fact that as a Christian I know that I am to be persecuted.   I imagine Christ felt abandoned from his friends and colleagues in the end... He already knew what Peter and Judas's true colors looked like. He knew and he washed their feet anyway. This week, I am struggling with this. I want to rise above my hurt feelings and show up like Christ. Because the end of Christ was th...

Growing up a little North of Pittsburgh ... Mister Rogers Neighborhood was a staple in my childhood. In a world of Make-Believe an important life lesson was ingrained in my soul. To play, to be creative, and to always explore and feed your imagination. Albert Einstein said that imagination was more important then knowledge.  These are words I live by ... So even as a grown up I always make time for play. I ride bikes with my kids.  I play minecraft with my son.  I paint, color and draw.   We play board games as a family and we take fun family vacations as often as possible.   We value and make sure our kids know that it's important to keep PLAY in their lives.   We live in a culture it tells us we don't have time to play and that only those willing to make sacrifices will be successful.  Even schools have tried to cut out more and more play.  We're teaching our children and jeopardizing they're brilliant and beautiful minds by not allowi...

I have been without Facebook for 6 months now and I can honestly say I don't really miss it all that much.  Occasionally when I am bored I go to open my web browser  on my phone,  I pause, then I close it and smile.    It takes me only a minute to get over the fact that I can't check in on friends and family but overall its been really good and I am eager to see how long I can stay disconnected.   Since then I deleted Twitter and Linked as well.  I DO have my Instagram and my blog (of course) and anyone else can send me an email.   I'll admit, It's been pretty quiet but I have had more time to read some books, paint a few pictures.  I have blogged more.  I have played more games with my kids and a few other things.   Unplugging is the way to go.  

Sometimes as working adults, it seems like every day we wake up and do the same things time after time.  Sometimes it even feels that we're almost reliving the same day over and over again until we get it right.  We get up, get breakfast, drive to work, work, eat lunch, work, drive home, eat dinner, watch tv, then go to bed.   It's not that our lives are boring, it's just they are all set and planned.  I have always liked to take a page out of Bill Murray's Groundhogs day were everyday he does something completely different and crazy and wild.  I am constantly looking for ways grow and change and make sure I am not missing living a new and imaginative life - each day.   Don't miss out because you're trying to fit in and 'just get by.'  Make each day different and more exciting than the last.  #happygroundhogsday

For many people who grew up in the small town of Saxonburg, Pennsylvania in the late 80s - 90s will recall what a vibrant and lively man, James N. Gordon truly was.  His wife Bonnie and he, ran the Famous SMPC Youth Group and opened their home and lives to so many. Not only were the both so lively, outgoing and caring.. they were fun and made life way more interesting than what small town life sometimes offers.  They had kids piling in Sunday nights, Tuesday mornings, Thursday nights and Saturdays for special events or Habitat for Humanity Workdays. Jim was a youth leader who had long hair and wore green sweater vest with ripped jeans.  He was a hippy - free-spirited kind of guy.  He loved the Beatles, him mom, and played the guitar.  Jim was different and that made him so cool to so many people (self included.) During my years as a member of their youth group, I struggled with so many things.  Normal teenage things.   But their dedication and ...

A few months ago, I decided that I need to actively pursue to start dating my husband all over again.  Over the years we've made time for ourselves here and there but I knew it was a good time to make us a priority.   There was nothing major going on in in our lives other than the day to day - kids - work - home things.  But after 17 years of marriage and now having children who were old enough to care for themselves for a few hours, I took the opportunity to plan a date-a-week with him.  I recently scheduled the next few months worth and have them on both his and my calendars. Planed and ready.   Last night, my son said to us "Why do you need to go on a date." (yes, a teachable moment.)    We explained how it's important to keep your relationship a priority and how we enjoy spending time with each other.   I have planned dates that cost very little money ... like a fire and wine in the backyard - to dates that are a little more ...

When you become an adult you have to make some extremely hard discussions that really kind of suck.   Lucky for me, my life hasn't had too many of these really tough decisions that require a lot of prayer and oversight. I recall one of those was the decision to put our dog down, who had cancer and was not well and most recently was deciding to leave our church community after 12 years.   Yes, Breaking up is HARD to do.  12 years of service and dedication but a lot of hurt and frustration.  We gave our church the ability to pursue us and restore our relationship... but their efforts weren't timely and unsatisfactory.   It was easy to decide to leave in our minds, but it was hard to actually decide to leave in our hearts.  We prayed about it and I read many blogs, articles and scriptures about 'when to leave' and 'why to leave'... and in the In the summer we made the jump and started visiting other churches.  It was weird and diff...

The problem I have found with making my own smoothies is no matter how well I blend it ... I still end up with some green kale or spinach stuck in my teeth.  I will be in conversation with someone at work, then causally use the restroom and while washing my hands I smile.  There it is.  Some strange green thing stuck in between tooth 11 and 12.   I shake my head and say to myself  "Wow that's totally embarrassing."   Then I go find my floss that I keep in my desk drawer and make my dentist proud.   In that moment of modification you think to yourself.  They will never forget how ghastly I must have looked.  You honestly believe that no one has ever had anything else stuck in their teeth and if you someone had walked by they would have video taped it and been an instant youtube star by how silly you looked.   Right, yeah... not really.  We are all awkward at many moments of our lives.  We say stupid things, do stupid t...

It never ceases to amaze me how different my husband and I are.   One of us is the SUPER planner - makes lists, plans ahead,  constantly  looks towards the future, comes up with strategies and game plans, makes sure the event or task is completed,  makes more goals, tries to get things done as quickly as possible.  This person has the calendars color coordinated  and meals planned for the whole month.  Yep that's me.   My husband on the other hand has no real motivation to get things done on a timely manner what so ever.  He blogged that he does better with a more tightly  time table. He blames it on the fact that he can't make decisions and therefore when you're under pressure you have to make the decision.   He owns up to his procrastination and is trying to get better.  Even though we have our many differences we balance each other out nicely.  I am clearly and extrovert whereas, he is completely an in...

Sometimes when I meet one of my daughters teenage friends, I ask them "what do you want to be when you grow up... because I am still looking for ideas."  It's true I have what appears to a grown up life.  I have a spouse and kids.   I have a job.   I pay taxes. I have a student loan and a mortgage payment.  I vote and I drive around.  Most days I look like a pretty normal grown-up.   But the true is, I don't want to grow up fully.  I don't want to have to 'clean up' after myself and be completely self-sufficient and thankfully I don't have to be. Jesus said, unless you are converted and become like children you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.  We often times get to concerned with looking onward at the next great adventure but we forget to really live. We go through the motions and before we know it life has past us by. Peter Pan is one of my favorite Disney characters because he never misses a moment to live. He lives for adven...

It's Friday the 13th a day in which urban legends come out and people become a little bit superstitious or a little more frightful.    I remember in the late 90s - early 2000s playing Friday the 13th on the Sega Genesis....  All was fine in the day light as you walked around the campground and sometimes you had to get in the boat to go across the lake to the other side.  Life was good... The children were safe.  Then it started to get dark... your Children numbers started dropping, and you had to go find what was taking the children and you knew what was taking them.  You now had to search each of the cabins and in the darkeness even though you expected it at every turn Boom there was JASON and you just said holy S#@T  and screamed a bit in terror.   You took your little rock and threw it at Jason and did your best to dodge the knife as he slashed at you.   Sometimes you defeated him, Sometimes he killed you.  Someti...

This morning I was praying about Contentment (once again) ... I know this is something that I struggle with as most people in the modern world do.  I have tried to read many books on how to stay content or no long for things that I don't really need.  It's like watching HGTV and seeing all the beautiful homes and remodeling and decorating that is done in just a simple 45 minutes.  How does Chip and Joanna make it look that easy.  They have a beautiful life and sometimes I get caught up in the: I wish I had that...  OK maybe it's more often than I would like to admit.   But God doesn't have that life/plan for me and even if I have the same gifts of decorating or remodeling, right now he has me right were I am suppose to be.  Most of the time, I can snap out of those "I WISH..." moments other times I struggle.   I know it's usually a heart issue rather than a 'thing' issue.   I thought I had contentment all figured out until I was in...

So I am reading this book on Prayer and it mentioned something I never quite heard or thought of before.  The subtitle of the section was: Garage Sale and for a moment I was excited.  I love Garage Sales.  I love finding deals and going through other peoples 'junk.'  But it wasn't about finding lost treasures... rather it stated that every now and then we need to have SPIRITUAL Garage Sales for over-selves.  At that moment, my mind was blown.  Truly.  Too often we keep hold of things that we really shouldn't be holding on to anymore.  Not just fully spiritual / religious things but things things that aren't making us any better.   Like the dusty treadmills we keep around in the event we are determined to get back in shape ...  we hold on to resentment from someone that hurt us 20 years ago.  We don't forgive. We keep the broken blender because who knows we may someday get the skills or abilities to fix it ...