More Than Words: Learning to Listen

I often say the wrong thing.

I have gotten better over the years, but I have always been quick to speak and slow to listen.

I recognize my selfishness and stubbornness. I recognize the moments when I want my words to wound instead of heal. I recognize when I want to elevate myself above someone else, proving that I know more or that I am somehow better.

Lately, I have been learning what it really means to be "less than" myself and "more than" my ego. That is harder than I would like to admit.

As the youngest in my family, I was always the one behind everyone else. Everyone got to experience things first, and whether intentionally or not, I often felt like I wasn't enough. Being told you're not enough can create a lifelong desire to prove that you are. Sometimes that proving comes through achievements. Sometimes it comes through your voice.

I think that's why I have spent so much of my life wanting to be heard. Wanting to have the right answer. Wanting to say something meaningful before someone else does.

The funny thing is, I am still learning, even in this middle chapter of life. Looking back, I cringe at some conversations I've had. I can remember moments when I spoke too quickly, assumed too much, or simply wanted to sound smarter than I really was.

If I'm being honest, I sometimes replay those conversations in my mind and rewrite them. In my revised version, I have the perfect response. I sound wiser, smarter, more articulate. But the truth is, those rewritten conversations don't change the real ones. They only reveal how much I still want validation.

We're taught that words can't hurt us, but they absolutely do. The words spoken to us shape us, and the words we speak to others can leave marks that last far longer than we realize.

That's why I am learning to keep some words off my lips and spend more time using my ears.

We live in a world where everyone has an opinion and every platform encourages us to share it. Social media rewards the loudest voices, not always the wisest ones. We are constantly tempted to respond, comment, correct, debate, and prove.

But maybe the answer isn't having better responses.

Maybe it's learning to listen longer.

Maybe wisdom isn't found in being heard, but in understanding.

My new goal is simple: to be slow to speak, unplug more often than not, be present in the here and now, and develop ears that truly listen.