Random Thoughts of a Supersmock

Yesterday, my daughter called me frustrated. She’s in a naval training program, and because she’s far from home, opportunities to spend time with family are precious. One of her instructors had given her a hard time about trying to see her family while they were in town, and she was struggling not to be angry. At one point, she asked me: “How do I not be so angry at someone? Jesus calls us to love, but I don’t want to love this person.” I didn’t have some profound answer ready to go, but I told her something I’ve always believed: Show kindness even when it isn’t deserved. Not because the other person earned it. Not because they’re right. But because kindness says more about your character than theirs. Later, I told my husband about the conversation. His response was… let’s just say he wasn’t nearly as charitable toward the instructor as I had been. I laughed and said, “Well, it’s a good thing she called me and not you.” At the time, I felt pretty good about my response. The...

In 2006, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I can still remember hearing the news, and feeling like the floor had disappeared beneath me. Fear, uncertainty, and countless "what if" questions filled that season of our lives. What made it even more frightening was that the doctors weren't entirely sure what they were dealing with. Because of his previous battle with melanoma years earlier, they feared the worst. As we sat there listening, all I could hear was that my husband might not be here much longer. I felt  our future had suddenly become very short. As if that wasn't enough, life kept piling on. During that same season, I found out I was pregnant with our son. While trying to process the possibility of losing my husband, I was also carrying a new life. Then came another blow. I was laid off from my job. Cancer. Pregnancy. Unemployment. It felt like one wave after another. Yet, even in the middle of all that uncertainty, God was at work in ways we couldn't s...

I think our society is full of people who say things like, "I'm such a hot mess," or "I look terrible today," only hoping the person they're talking to will immediately respond, "No, you're amazing! You have it all together!" But what happens when someone agrees? What if they say, "Yeah, you are kind of a mess right now," or, "You could probably do a few things to improve your appearance"? Ouch. Even when there's some truth in what they're saying, it can be crushing to hear. We may have been the ones who started the criticism, but that doesn't mean we actually wanted anyone to agree with it. I know I'm guilty of this. I'm very good at negative self-talk. I can point out all my flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings without needing any help from anyone else. But if someone agrees with those criticisms, it still hurts. The truth is, most of us are much harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. We don...

With students heading back to school and many beginning their accounting journeys, I've been reflecting on what makes this profession so rewarding. Most finance and accounting positions focus on the data and reporting. Close the books. Prepare the budget. Manage cash. Ensure compliance. All important. But every once in a while, you come across a position that asks something completely different: Do you care about outcomes, not just reports? Do you challenge the numbers instead of simply reporting them? Do you like a scoreboard, and does it drive you to be more strategic and growth-focused? As someone who has spent much of my career in accounting and finance, those questions really hit me. I've always believed the best accountants aren't just historians documenting what happened last month. They're partners helping shape what happens next. They aren't satisfied with simply explaining variances. They want to understand why they exist. More importantly, they're wi...

I have been experiencing a lot of this in my life recently. Being a Type A person, I have always strived for excellence. I read books on how to improve my mind, body, and soul. I have a million Pinterest ideas on how to maximize my time, money, and energy. I have always measured myself against the standard benchmarks of life, and I believed that striving for excellence was the ultimate goal. I don't know why, but recently everything in my life seems to be telling me, "Forget that." My newer employer doesn't care about maximizing talents or truly increasing KPIs to reach our prime potential. They care more about people feeling good than doing good. It's been a hard adjustment, to say the least. I see it showing up in my own goals, too. Maybe it's me getting older. Maybe I'm slowing down. Or maybe it's the reality of showing up every day to a company that doesn't promote that relentless pursuit of excellence. Whatever the reason, I don't seem to ...

I read so many things that say worrying is one of the worst things you can do, right along with being afraid. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can, in fact, change my mind. I can choose to stop worrying about things. Most of the time, that comes with the help of God, but I've also found that I'm simply less afraid than I used to be. For more than 20 years, we've worried about our kids. Truth be told, I've worried about all of them at least three times this week. I'm proud to say that's much less than it used to be, but it's still more than I should be doing. I know I'm not perfect and I'm far from who I am truly called to be, but I think this season is teaching me far more than I expected. I'm learning that it's okay to be bored. I'm learning to appreciate the little things rather than constantly chasing the big things. I'm learning that slowing down isn't weakness. Most of all, I think I'm learning to worry les...

I see him very often at the corner on my way to work. He reminds me of my dad in a lot of ways. The way he walks. His stance. Sure, my dad isn't a Black man with an eye patch, but he gives me the same vibes. I don't really know his story, but I see him often, and I pray for him every time I do. He always waves and carries the same sign. I don't typically give people things when I see them holding signs that say, "Please help..." Most of the time, I think the same thing many people think. They're just going to use the money to buy drugs or alcohol, or they're begging because they're too lazy to get a job. I even once saw a man begging on a corner walk over to his very nice car after collecting a few bucks. So naturally, I'm skeptical of everyone. But this man is different. Today, I had some cash, and I could afford to give him some. I've seen him for almost a whole year, and I hardly ever have real cash on hand. Today, I saw him start walking up...

I often say the wrong thing. I have gotten better over the years, but I have always been quick to speak and slow to listen. I recognize my selfishness and stubbornness. I recognize the moments when I want my words to wound instead of heal. I recognize when I want to elevate myself above someone else, proving that I know more or that I am somehow better. Lately, I have been learning what it really means to be "less than" myself and "more than" my ego. That is harder than I would like to admit. As the youngest in my family, I was always the one behind everyone else. Everyone got to experience things first, and whether intentionally or not, I often felt like I wasn't enough. Being told you're not enough can create a lifelong desire to prove that you are. Sometimes that proving comes through achievements. Sometimes it comes through your voice. I think that's why I have spent so much of my life wanting to be heard. Wanting to have the right answer. Wanting to...

I have come to a pretty significant realization in my life: I am, for the most part, a nobody. Don't get me wrong. I am somebody. We all are. But I am not anyone particularly important in the grand scheme of things. Over the course of my life, I have come across people who truly are somebodies. They are the kind of people who inspire others, accomplish remarkable things, and leave lasting impressions wherever they go. They are often admired, celebrated, and remembered. I was never one of those people. I wasn't unpopular, either. I simply existed somewhere in the middle. I had great friends throughout the years, though truth be told, I have often been a terrible friend. But that's a story for another time. This story is about being a nobody. There was a time when I desperately wanted to be a somebody. I believed it took something extraordinary to earn that title. Money. Power. Influence. Recognition. The ability to change the world in a visible way. I have none of those thin...

There have been times when I was actively looking for a new job, and there have been times when a new job found me when I wasn't looking at all. I can't tell you which employers I was ready to leave and which ones I wrestled with walking away from, but I can honestly say this: not all the jobs I've jumped to have been what I thought they would be. Some fell short of expectations, while others were so much more than I could have imagined. I'm not perfect, but I do think I'm more than just a financial historian reporting numbers and closing accounting books. I enjoy the challenge behind most of it. I like being part of building a business and helping companies improve and grow. Recently, I read one of the most interesting job postings. It asked: "Do you challenge the numbers instead of simply reporting them? Do you make the call and own the outcome? Do you want a target, the authority to pursue it, and the freedom to determine how you get there?" I thought, ...

I know it's important to surround yourself with people who encourage you, support you, and help you become a better version of yourself. I also know it's important to remove truly toxic people from your life, especially when they consistently cause harm and show no desire to change. But what about the people in the middle? What about family? The people who can be difficult. The people who don't always build you up. The ones who sometimes hurt you, frustrate you, or push every button you have. Yet somehow, they are still your people. In my family, everyone is a little unwell in one way or another, in mind, body, or soul. We're loud, opinionated, and more than a little nebby. We can be annoying, exhausting, and complicated. My childhood was dysfunctional in many ways, but it wasn't all bad. The older I get, the more I realize that "normal" is relative. What one person sees as a typical family dynamic, another may experience as deeply painful or even abusive....

In high school in the 90s, I took an Art class with Mrs. Finney—one of those teachers you never forget. She had this way of pushing us to see the world differently. Not just what was in front of us, but what could be there. She told us to think big, to be bold, to notice beauty in everyday things. For a kid like me, that mattered. My Senior year, my artclass took a fieldtrip to Fallingwater. At the time, I was already interested in architecture. I loved my CAD class—the precision of it, the creativity, the way you could design an entire space from nothing but lines and measurements. It made sense to me in a way a lot of other subjects didn’t. I wasn’t the best student. I didn’t think of myself as particularly smart, and we didn’t have money. College, especially for something like architecture, didn’t feel like a real option. I applied to my dream college just for the hell of it - Arizona State and the rejection came faster than anything ever has.  So even though I had this interes...

Over the last decade, I’ve worked closely with both architects and engineers - and if you sit where I sit in finance, you start to notice patterns pretty quickly. They’re both essential - smart, hardworking, and critical to getting a project across the finish line. But they think very differently about value, output, and money. Architects, in my experience, lead with vision. They care deeply about the design, the experience, how something looks, feels, and comes together. There’s pride in the work - and rightly so. The conversation is often about possibilities, beauty, and pushing the idea further. Engineers approach things a little differently. They want to know: Does it work? Is it efficient? What’s the most logical way to get there? And those differences show up clearly when you bring finance into the picture. Architects often see cost as something to work around or manage. Engineers tend to build cost into the equation from the beginning. There’s a natural focus on efficiency, opti...

Last week my granddaughter turned 1. Where did the last year go? I know I was a young mom, but I never expected to become a young grandparent as well. It’s strange and sometimes mentally hard. I always pictured myself as the fun grandparent—taking my grandkids on adventures, making crafts, and sharing laughter. But my granddaughter doesn’t live near me, and at times, I feel like I’m missing so much as she grows up. Life doesn’t slow down for anyone; I still have to work and carry significant responsibilities. I wish I could press pause and savor the little moments, but time just keeps slipping away. Still, I am grateful for the good relationship I have with my children, and I hope to build just as strong a bond with my grandchildren—however many I may have someday. It’s true: we never stop worrying about our adult kids, and now that concern extends to their children. No one tells you how hard parenting is, or that grandparenting comes with its own set of challenges and joys. As I refle...

I’ve worked for many different companies over the years, and I’ve experienced a wide range of workplace cultures and traditions. I feel grateful for many of the teams I’ve been part of, but I’ve also noticed how much companies struggle with one particular thing: employee engagement. Some companies do nothing at all. Some companies do a lot—sometimes almost too much. And a few, in my opinion, strike the right balance of engagement, culture, and benefits. But here’s what I believe is more important than any of that. Most people today don’t celebrate unless their company prompts them to. Think about how often managers take teams out to lunch—but only if it’s company-paid. My husband once had a manager who regularly treated his team to lunch out of his own pocket. That small difference made it feel genuine, personal, and intentional—not transactional. When everything is paid for, planned, and expected, it creates a lack of emotional investment. People often don’t care more when they’re inc...

 When I was a teenager, I asked my youth pastor a serious question. I don’t remember the exact words—something like What’s the meaning of life? It was probably a clumsy, overly dramatic teenage question, but I remember his answer clearly. He quoted U2: “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” At the time, I thought it was an odd response. He was mature, knew Jesus, and seemed to have a pretty great life. People liked him. He lived freely and appeared carefree. And yet—here I am now, the same age he was when I asked that question, sometimes saying those exact words myself: I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. I have a good life. A beautiful family—not perfect, but pretty amazing. A solid career. More than enough things. I take care of my mind, body, and soul as best I can. I’m self-aware… or at least I think I am. What I’m beginning to understand is the quiet truth behind that U2 lyric: I’m not actually lost. I’m in between versions of myself . That makes sense. I...