Where Do We Draw the Line?

I know it's important to surround yourself with people who encourage you, support you, and help you become a better version of yourself.

I also know it's important to remove truly toxic people from your life, especially when they consistently cause harm and show no desire to change.

But what about the people in the middle?

What about family?

The people who can be difficult. The people who don't always build you up. The ones who sometimes hurt you, frustrate you, or push every button you have. Yet somehow, they are still your people.

In my family, everyone is a little unwell in one way or another, in mind, body, or soul. We're loud, opinionated, and more than a little nebby. We can be annoying, exhausting, and complicated.

My childhood was dysfunctional in many ways, but it wasn't all bad.

The older I get, the more I realize that "normal" is relative. What one person sees as a typical family dynamic, another may experience as deeply painful or even abusive. Families are messy, and every story has layers.

But what happens when someone decides the relationship is beyond repair?

What happens when one day you cut off your parents completely and go incommunicado?

That's what happened with my parents and my brother.

I don't know all the details. Maybe I never will. What I do know is how difficult it's been for my parents to suddenly stop being part of my brother's life and the lives of his many children, children they loved deeply.

I know some of it stems from years of family dysfunction and unresolved hurt. Beyond that, I'm not sure.

Most days, I've made peace with not knowing. But some days, it still bothers me.

As Christians, we're called to love the people God has placed in our lives. But where do we draw the line between loving someone and removing them from our lives altogether?

Is there a formula?

Is there a point of no return?

I think about Jesus often when I wrestle with these questions. He loved people who were difficult, broken, and sometimes deeply unlovable. His love was radical.

Yet He also had boundaries.

He walked away from people. He confronted wrongdoing. He didn't allow Himself to be manipulated or controlled. He loved others without surrendering His identity or purpose.

So where is that balance?

I don't know.

I know there are times when distance is necessary. There are situations involving abuse, addiction, and ongoing harm where boundaries are healthy, wise, and even life-giving.

But I also wonder whether we've become too quick to cut people off when relationships become painful or disappointing or even just inconvenient. 

I've certainly had unkind thoughts. I've said things in my heart that I'm not proud of. I've held grudges. I've wanted to write people off and I have written off a lot of people.

We're all free to make the choices we believe are best for our lives. Sometimes those choices are necessary.

But I can't help wondering if we're also a little too sensitive at times. A little too self-protective. A little too willing to label difficult people as toxic rather than accepting that sometimes people are simply flawed, hurting, and human.

Maybe the real challenge is figuring out how to hold both truths at the same time:

To love people without letting them destroy us.

To create healthy boundaries without abandoning grace.

To acknowledge hurt without making reconciliation impossible.

I don't have the answer.

I just know it's a question worth asking.