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Three Times This Week, I Looked Up

I read so many things that say worrying is one of the worst things you can do, right along with being afraid.

It's taken me a long time to realize that I can, in fact, change my mind. I can choose to stop worrying about things. Most of the time, that comes with the help of God, but I've also found that I'm simply less afraid than I used to be.

For more than 20 years, we've worried about our kids. Truth be told, I've worried about all of them at least three times this week. I'm proud to say that's much less than it used to be, but it's still more than I should be doing.

I know I'm not perfect and I'm far from who I am truly called to be, but I think this season is teaching me far more than I expected. I'm learning that it's okay to be bored. I'm learning to appreciate the little things rather than constantly chasing the big things. I'm learning that slowing down isn't weakness. Most of all, I think I'm learning to worry less and be afraid of very little.

There are no guarantees in life. My kids will suffer, struggle, and make poor life choices, even though we've spent years telling them not to. At their age, I suffered, struggled, and made poor life choices too, and somehow I turned out okay.

Being a mom to adults hasn't been easy. Part of me grieves that I'm no longer responsible for them in the way I once was. That sounds strange when I say it out loud, but it's also kind of nice. God has a plan for my kids and my granddaughter, and I believe trusting Him allows me to be less afraid of whatever that plan may hold.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up."

I know I stopped looking back long ago. I'm getting better at not looking around so much, and I know I need to keep looking up.

I'm grateful for the reminders I've found in the many books I've been reading this summer. They keep pointing me back to the same truth: I was never meant to carry everything. Some things are simply beyond my control, and that's okay. Faith doesn't promise that life will be easy or free from heartache, but it reminds me that I don't have to face those things alone.

As I continue learning to let go of worry and trade fear for trust, I'm finding a peace I didn't know I needed. Maybe that was the lesson all along. As 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Some days I do that better than others, but I'm learning that peace begins where control ends.

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