If I Loved You...

I few months ago, I wrote an email to our church office manager saying "I just don't love our church right now..."  It wasn't the first time I went on the record saying I just didn't love my church.  

He responded with a warm-well wish but it made me think really about my relationship with my church and THEE church. 

It made me think of a song by the Band Delta Rae's (love them)  "If I Loved You.."   The song is talking about a relationship.  Elizabeth Hopkins sings about how life would be easy if she loved him.  She points out all the things she would do, if she loved him.  Marry him, have children, make love,etc.   She goes on in the chorus singing...

"But I don't love you, not like I want to
I don't love you and that makes it hard"

I feel like that with the church sometimes. I have always believed that our church isn't just a building or a place to worship.  It's meant to be a real relationship that is filled with love.  


So I was thinking to what does it mean when I say to myself... when I wrote: I don't love you (My Church)  vs.  Do I no longer love (Thee Church.. Christ)?  

What happens too often, my opinion... is when we become believers we fall madly in love with Christ.  We are in that giddy romance of wanting to please everyone and be everything.  We join a church, build relationships, serve,  love others, give, worship and so forth.   We try hard to not sin and we do things to help us become more like Christ.  

But as time goes by we get bored, burned out, bummed that our "church" fails to meet all our needs. We start to see all the flaws in organized religion. People let us down. Mismanagement of money.  Personality differences.  Sin, lots of sin.  Youth workers doing unimaginable things. Lack of shepherding, lack of love  The list is long and our hearts break a little and we say things like "I just don't love you anymore."   

 We fall into pit that Satin wants us to fall in by saying our church no longer loves us and we no longer love our church.  The building, address, the songs, the ministries/pastors, etc... 

It's real and I have struggled deeply with this over the past year ... my church doesn't define who I am in Christ.  My church is a community that is full of sinners and people just like me who sometimes just need to fall in love with it all over again.  

Justa

I have been witness to  a lot of  those Justa’s lately.  The Justa’s are the  sort of self-pity moments we often put ourselves into.  It’s when we don’t feel like we measure up, because we’re too busy comparing ourselves to others...

I have a friend who is “justa  Administrative Assistance.” 

My son says he can’t do something because he’s “justa kid.”

She’s “justa Stay Home Mom.” Or “justa single mom.”  

He’s “justa poor student trying to earn a higher education at a community college”

I am "justa ordinary plain girl that has been told all my life I won't amount to much."

I’m “justa hopeless mess that never seems to have any luck.”

The list goes on... 

We put ourselves and sadly we put others in those "Justa Boxes."  Our sad society also puts us in those boxes and we're reminded of this justa bout every time we turn on the television.  Every time we flip a magazine and see the green grass.  I was thinking about "Justas" on my drive to work this morning and I was thinking about the people in the bible that God used in such remarkable ways.  

Peter was “justa fisherman.”

Moses and David were “justa a Shepherd”

Ruth was “justa a maidservant widow”

Joshua was “just a military officer”

Gideon was “justa farmer”

Mary was “justa a humble servant”

The list goes on...

If we can take anything away from the Bible it is that God justa loves us more than we could ever imagine.  He thinks we're anything but ordinary.

We have to remember in the times when we are struggling with where we might be in our lives it’s  highly important  to remember that God doesn’t see us as anything less.  We are told these lies to make us doubt everything that is happening or highlight that we aren't perfect.  Apart from Christ we are never going to be perfect.  

God often times uses those “justa” peoples in some of the mightiest and humbling ways. 

Peter was “justa fisherman nevertheless he became a great Apostle”

Moses was “justa a Shepherd nevertheless he lead the Israelite out of Egyptian slavery”

David were “justa a Shepherd nevertheless he became a King”

Ruth was “justa a maidservant widow nevertheless she became a lineage”

Joshua was “just a military officer nevertheless he lead the Israelite to the Promise land”

Gideon was “justa farmer nevertheless he became a mighty warrior and Judge”

Mary was “justa a a humble servant nevertheless became the mother to the Messiah”

and so forth. 

  We just have to trust that we are in the right place at the right time.   Yes, that’s easier said than done, which is why we have to remind our friends, families and ourselves that we are way more than a justa.  We have to know that God in his good timing will add the nevertheless... to each of our stories. 

Family, Legacy and Where I all began...

It's January, and just over a month ago we lost our last grandfather.  Now a month later my family (excluding my husband's grandmother) is getting ready to lose our last living grandparent.  She will soon be with my grandfather and her husband of 68 years.  When home for my grandfather's funeral I remember being in the house that they have lived in most of their life together and thinking to myself... "It seemed much bigger when I was a child."  

If I am honest with myself and honest with you, I will admit that my grandmother didn't rather much like us (excluding my oldest sister and father.)  She played the favorites game and I remember her yelling at me more than hugging me.  I also remember going to school with my cousin who's birthday was a couple months after mine and he would show me all the cool things my grandmother gave him.  In which I received nothing for my birthday just months earlier.  I sometimes blame my grandmothers attitude and actions towards my family, as the reason my family is the way it is...  kinda broken on many levels.    Needless to say, I wasn't close with my grandparents as I became an teen and adult.  I moved away and when I did come home occasionally  I saw them here and there but I didn't make much of an effort to be part of their lives.  Sadly there is some regret - on my behalf.  

My grandfather was a meek mild man.  He was retired as long as I was alive but he always had that blue collar mentality and worked hard around the house.  I remember him kissing me on the cheek and pinching at my dimples.  He would show us all the animals and even though I don't remember any deep conversations, I knew who he was.   My grandmother on the other hand is loud and vocal. She has a distinctive laugh.  I remember thinking how cool it was that "My grandma" drove a motorcycle.  I put that on my own bucket list to be a motorcycle driving grandma.  I remember coveting her dust buster and she never wanted me to touch it because she said I was going to break it.  She kept it behind the couch in the corner of the living room and I would crawl back there to see it.  I peeked behind the couch when I was home last month, it wasn't there and I would have been surprised if it was there- but I still smiled thinking about that dust buster.  My grandparents weren't super spiritual, they weren't high society, they were just your average married old couple, they had been through a lot of good and bad things.    

When it comes to reflecting an 89 year old life you can't help but think about your own legacy.  Family legacy is the accomplishments, beliefs, actions and guidance you demonstrate in your life - that carries forward to future generations.  At times I wonder how much of who I am today is in fact a direct link to those who lived before me - specifically my grandparents, parents and siblings.   

I am not really 'close' with any one in my family (excluding husband and kids) and when I think as to why it's because I had one of those shitty kinda childhood.  I was the bratty little sister that no one wanted to be around and often they told me they didn't want to be around me.  It's not easy growing up with the lie of  You're worthless or a burden or too (insert word here that describes your childhood.)  It's true that God can redeem even the "bad stuff" in your legacy.   Sadly many of us struggle to over come all those negative emotional legacy that hinder our ability to live a life of peace and prosperity.    I myself have set high boundaries with my family thinking this is the best practice for me not to getting hurt again. Let me tell you it still doesn't always work out like I think it should.   

I can't tell you enough I was lucky that Christ found me in the mist of all my struggles and disappointments as a young teenager.   I am even more grateful that I found my husband who shares some of those emotional legacies we've been given.  Together we have decided that no matter what has happened or will happen that in Christ anything is possible and nothing impossible.

Even now, As I wait for the call that my grandmother is gone,  I am thankful for those struggles and it has helped me desire to know and be like HIM more.  People often tell me that I seem like a exciting outgoing mom /wife/ person.  It's true I  want my home to be known for warmth, affectionate and fun times.  I want my kids to know that they are loved, respected, unique,  wonderfully and fearfully made.   At times it can be a constant burden to rise above and "be more/ better"  than you what you had growing up and without Christ, I am not sure how some people do it.   Without Christ I am just that bratty little girl who be stuck in that pit of self-worth struggles and stuck in my sin and sorrow.  

I know we can't pick our family, our situations, our family legacy but we can rise above any diversity and any struggle.  We have to be willing to invest by demonstrating unconditional love and soul for serving others - pretty much all the time.  We have to make time to forgive others and love them even when they never showed love to you.   When it comes to your legacy ... don't be too disappointed at where it really all began but where it will all ends.  

All I want for Christmas...

Dear Friends & Family members,

The holidays are just around the corner and that means we’re all gearing up for the Most WONDERFUL time of the year...  

Our family this year has been really thinking about Christmas and what it all means to us.  Each Christmas Season we rack our brains on the perfect gifts for our kids. We spend way more money than we should and we end up with a whole lot of “Stuuufff” that we don’t really need.   This year we asked our kids what they really wanted for Christmas and they couldn’t really come up with valid wholesome Christmas gifts.  Other than Gideon wanting a Xbox (once again... in which we will never get him.)  Then when we asked what they really like from past Christmas gifts and they really couldn’t remember what they got.    All those wonderful things family and friends bought them and they can't remember much of anything. 

So, after long consideration and thoughtful prayer we decided that we are not going to make Christmas any more consumeristic than it already is.  The Buck family officially and formally asks for no consumer gifts from you this year.  We are healthy, happy, clothed, fed and loved. We have more than we need and really shouldn’t long for anything.

In December we’re going to start our annual Advent celebration.  It’s a daily time we look at our lives and walk with Christ, but this year we’re adding on to that.  We’re also going to do 24 days of ACTS of KINDNESS.  This is going to help our children see that it is far better to give thoughtfully than it is to get any pretty wrapped up (panini press.. yes I really want one of those) gift under the Christmas tree.  We know we are called to serve and we are learning to be more purposeful in cultivating our servant hearts. 

We do still plan to get our kids a couple things because there is no better joy, than seeing them open gifts on Christmas morning, but we are changing the way we do it all and we hope that you will respect our wishes and be inspired to do the same. 

Even though we are not wanting you to buy us something we do want a different kind of gift from you.  We want you to be inspired to do Acts of kindness as well!  These are a few ideas of some of the things we plan/hope to do and if you are inspired please do a few as well... there can never be too many acts of kindness at Christmas!

• Go to a Christmas church service especially if you haven’t ever been
• Give money to the pan-handler even if you don’t think they should be pan-handling
• Pay for someone else in the drive thru or leave a really big tip for your wait staff
• Donate toys to a toys for tots or other toy drive
• Send letters to soldiers
• Home make your Christmas gifts
• Donate food to a food pantry
• Visit with a sick or elderly person
• Take Treats to your fire station or police station
• Fulfill an Angel Tree request
• Fill an operation Christmas child box
• Give sweet treats to your letter carrier
• Join a run or walk that raises money for charity
• Take a home cooked meal to someone in need
• Be Cheerful, smile as often as you can, and cherish the small things
• Rake leaves or shovel snow for someone
• Make a contribution in someone’s honor or in memory of
• Take cookies to emergency room staff on Christmas Eve
• Volunteer to ring the Salvation Army Bell or at least throw some money in when you pass it by
• Pay for a widow’s groceries
• Support a Missionary ... we have names of some really great ones if you need one
• Thank your pastors and church staff
• Visit a nursing home
• Donate Blood
• Give hot chocolate to your trash collectors
• Hand out flowers to people at the mall
• Invite someone to Christmas dinner who would otherwise be spending the Holiday’s alone

If you have ideas please share them with us.   If you happen to do something on our list and you want that share with us your gift to someone else.  We’d love to hear your stories and ways you've blessed others.  Be inspired to be more like Christ this holiday season.

May God’s blessings be poured out on you and your family this year and beyond!

In Christ Alone,

The Buck family

Volume III: 100 Random Facts about me...

1.                  When I was a kid I wanted to learn the famous Flashdance "What a feeling" and Dirty Dancing "Time of my life"  dances.  I still do even as and adult... but I don't dance and I am so not that flexible.    

2.                  I know my kids well enough to know that Alita needs to marry a romantic man (when the time comes in 10+ years) 

3.                  I get extremely carsick with just about 99% of other drivers

4.                  I am the family driver of the house

5.                  Sometimes when I'm driving I make myself carsick

6.                  I don't look forward to teaching my children how to drive

7.                  In high school I was in love with a guy named Curt

8.                 As a matter of fact, We never even dated or spoke to each other, so I am not sure why I thought I would marry him.  I clearly didn’t.

9.                  I am not a fan of daylight savings time

10.             I don't care if Prius' are going to save the world, they're ugly

11.             I am 100% a different person when I'm driving in bad traffic or bad weather

12.             I often feel like the dog in the movie 'up'... squirrel!

13.             I'm pretty sure I would have been labeled as ADHD as a child, if that was a condition back then.  

14.             Find it amazing even as a grown woman, how self-conscious I am about my body

15.             I don't care if my clothes come from secondhand stores... most of my wardrobe does

16.             I am pretty happy that I'm not a vain person

17.             I have high expectations of movies and books and often disappointed in the endings of most

18.             I have to remind myself often not to take things so seriously

19.             I don't take care of myself as good as I should

20.             One of my former sixth-graders bought me a stuffed animal. Can you guess which my little pony she got me ?

21.             I care too much what people think of me but I'm trying to not

22.             I'm amazed how it could be years since hearing a song and I still know all the lyrics. 

23.             When I see strangely dented car sometimes I wonder how it got dented in that odd location and come up with a creative story

24.             Sometimes I resent that super ubber health person and their health posts, mostly because though I know the coke and bacon burger is bad for me, but at times I still want to eat it.

25.             I don't care for tofu

26.             I'll tolerate sushi but don't love it

27.             One of my Biggest pet peeve getting behind a slow driver,  I can often be found yelling at them to speed up

28.             Another one of my pet peeve is when your socks fall down in your boots

29.             I can't cry anymore , don't  stand so close to me ...

30.            No matter what I would never go back in time to relive parts of my life, especially high school

31.            My favorite class in High School was Mrs. Finney's Art IV class.. it rocked!

32.            A long time ago, I ran the 800 and 400m in track. I use to be fast, now I am a slow runner.

33.            Favorite Elvis song "can't help falling in love"

34.            I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

35.            I have said multiple times that Gideon is going to be the child that takes care of me when I am old

36.            I also tell Alita that she can pay for my care when I get old and that I am going to be expensive as she is.  

37.            When I was a kid, I always said I would take care of my mom when she got old and that I would braid her hair like she did for her mom

38.            I don't mind that my children are growing up, but I do wonder how I will feel once they leave home. 

39.            It's really hard not raising a momma's boy, so I publicly apologize to my future daughter in law now.  

40.            I have written a letter to Alita's future husband, I know it's odd, but I found it to be really awesome. I really want Alita to have a great husband, since she's a pretty great person!   

41.            I really disliked the Disney Princess movie "Frozen."  The music was ok at best, but I don't see how so many people LOVED it.  

42.            I wish that I was a more loving person.  I know some people who would give others the shirt off their back.  I am sometimes way to jaded and skeptical of people. 

43.            Goblet of Fire was my favorite Harry Potter book/ movie

44.            I often have moments when I'm driving to work, where I wonder, "did I put on deodorant this morning?"

45.            I'm often perplexed or simply weirded out, when people are not dressed and body parts that shouldn't be showing are showing. (i.e. old men running without a shirt... please put a t-shirt on.) 

46.            One of my nose nostrils is bigger than the other.  I notice this often when I am taking a selfie 

47.            I often have to delete selfies as they are not flattering at all

48.            When I'm driving and I'm about to hit something such as a squirrel I go ahead and shut my eyes so I don't see

49.            I was told if you can't smell peanut butter in your left nostril you have early signs of Alzheimer http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/10/10/newser-alzheimers-peanut-butter/2961393/

50.            I never had braces

51.            I'm highly considering graduate school... for my MBA

52.            I think it would be great to teach (adults) someday hence why I need an MBA.

53.            I'm amazed how I can still sing along with songs from days past (i.e. 90s Alternative / Grunge.)

54.            When I was younger my mom and I often would sing "you've lost that love and feeling" in the car at the top of our lungs.  We recently were in the car at the same time and it came on, so naturally we sang together again.    

55.            I have no musical talent

56.            I like to embarrass my kids at times so I'll start singing Like Buddy the Elf..."I'm singing in a store...."  It's cool

57.            I post more photos on Instagram than facebook, so if you want to see more of the life of Heather Buck follow me on instagram... Supersmock

58.            I firmly believe that we all are called to do many great things, but the most honorable one is to raise a child up right.  Teaching and instilling them with Love, Faith, Hope and Joy. 

59.             Due to the fact that a couple of my co-workers cook/ microwave Lean cuisine daily, I have develop true hatred of the smell of them especially the Asian ones.  BLAH

60.            When I see an empty box sitting in the hallway at work, I always wonder what would happen if I crawled insight and jumped out when people would walk by.  BOO!  I have a sick humor .. I know this. 

61.            I often time feel like I am on some reality TV show like Punked or something, so I make sure that I act all cool at times

62.            I recently spent way too long on some stupid import in which I could never make successful.  I really wish I could get back those hours of my life

63.            I want to believe the best in people, but I think certain people/ life events/ society have caused me to doubt humanity

64.            I saw Mario Lemieux score his 600 career goal back in 1997

65.            My mom wouldn't let me play ice hockey when I was a teen

66.            Instead of a class ring, I got glamour shots. They are funny to look at now but I'm glad I did it

67.            I really thought I was going to be a widow back in 2006 when Tim had cancer, it was scary stuff but it made me appreciate all the years I've had with him since. 

68.            I told Tim that I already have his memorial/ funeral planned and they will carry his casket to The Imperial March.  He approves.  

69.            I like Superman way more than I like Batman  (Batman has a bad attitude)

70.            I never read a comic book or seen a star wars movie prior to meeting my husband

71.            We camped out for episode 1's (Star Wars) release in Columbus, GA

72.            I also got my tattoo in Columbus, GA at Tatto Tommy's

73.            I love when my kids tell people their names and people say they are cool.  Gideon likes to always add that his name is in the bible.  

74.            Alita has been told most likely 1000 times how cute she is (and not from me)  no joke.  She just smiles and says thank you

75.            My hands stay constantly cold or constantly hot.  I'm Hot then I'm cold...

76.            I took a aptitude test and I was a Divergent scoring highest in Candor and Dauntless  (Honest & Brave)

77.            I am trying to be better at eating breakfast

78.            I recently started counting my calorie intact and have been really enlighten on healthy foods vs. non-healthy foods

79.            I am more afraid of a snake than I am using a chainsaw

80.            I am a glass have full as long as it's full of something good ... like coffee or wine

81.            I am a Minecraft junkie (I only play pocket addition though) 

82.            I am also proud of my Clash of Clans, currently a level 42

83.            I wish to be cremated.  The thought of being rotting in a box to me is just plan gross.  I know with all my heart. mind and soul that I will have a new body in Christ. The old is gone, but the new has come. 

84.            I also want a celebration of life, no funeral or service just a time to reflect of all that I was: my life in all it's glory, happy, silly, fun, loving, giving, crazy... with food, music, smores and dancing.  People better dance! 

85.            I am not afraid of dying, only afraid that I would die before I've seen my kids soar

86.            My knees are starting to give on me.  I don't look forward to have to give up running, but that time may come.

87.            I have a hard time being compassionate and showing sympathy towards people.  

88.            People are often shocked when I tell them I am in accounting.   I have been recently asked if I was a teacher, flight attendant and a special event planner.  

89.            I still don't want to know what I want to be when I grow up but it's definitely not a flight attendant or elementary school teacher. 

90.            I still remember my last conversation with my Grandma Mochel.  I miss her often and didn't really realize how special she was at the time.  She's been gone for over 15 years (July 11, 2000)

91.            My brother and I are original Mario Brothers experts.  I still remember playing his Nintendo back in the day.

92.            I read financial statements for fun.  It's a bit of a curse.

93.            I am often really jealous of people who have musical talents... I have none 

94.            I am constantly reminded how often I am sensitive and emotional

95.            I loved Madonna songs when I was a kid.  I loved singing “Like a Prayer” and to this day still sing along when I hear it on the radio.

96.            I didn’t have cable growing up but remember going to friends’ houses who had it

97.            I remember many times going to church and McDonald's afterwards with my best friend growing up. 

98.            I am going to be deaf when I get older, Heck, I am already a little hard at hearing.  (Too many concerts as a teen...)

99.            I don’t trust the “cloud” one bit!

100.       The thought of retiring at 57 is a very good feeling.  Here’s to me staying with the state of NC another 21 years. 

35 awesome things I did during my 35th year of life...

Well my birthday is coming up (this weekend) and as I celebrate being another year older, I wanted to reflect someone of the awesome things I did this year.  

We too often, don't count our blessings and I am starting to realize that life is too short to not  stop and cherish  all that we have done and accomplished... even the small things.  

So here's my list of 35 awesome things I did during my 35th year of life... 

1. Celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary (Oct 2)

2. Went on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic (Oct 6-13)

3. Took my kids to their first official rock concert, Newsboy (Oct 24)

4. Became a Certified Nonprofit Accounting Professional (Sept/Oct)

5. Ran the City of Oaks Half Marathon in Raleigh (Nov 2)

6. Threw Gideon an Epic Minecraft Birthday Party (Dec 6) #BOYLOVESMINECRAFT

7. Watched all three Lord of the Ring movies over the Christmas Holiday Break (Christmas)

8. Got a banjo for Christmas and is determined to learn to play it. (Christmas)

9. Welcomed the new year with my family in down town Raleigh at First Night Raleigh/ Alien Invasion (Dec 31)

10. Joined the famous Tuesday Night Women's Bible Study (Jan-May)

11. Help Gideon build a pretty cool helicarrier Pinewood derby car (Jan) #Cubscouts

12. Survived the Snow-pocalypse (2 long cold-snowy weeks in Feb) #NCWEATHER

13. Got to see my daughter shine in the Cary Applause's Secret Garden Play (Feb 28-March 1)

14. Got to see her shine in the Reedy Creek Middle School Oliver Musical too! (March)

15. Planned and executed the 2015 Cub Scouts Blue & Gold Banquet for Pack 244 (March 12)

16. Took my family on a cruise to the Bahamas and Grand Turk (March)

17. Snorkeled in the Caribbean with family (March 24)

18. Pet and Fed Stingrays (March 25)

19. Played with the coolest dolphin ever - Dixon!  (March 26)

20. Made it to Sunrise Easter Service (April 5)

21. Ran the Raleigh Rock in Roll Half Marathon (April 12)

22. Saw Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman aka MYTHBUSTERS Live! It was awesome! (April 29)

23. Watch my daughter once again rock the stage in the Cary Applause's Phantom Tollbooth (May 15, 16, 17)

24. Got to see Gideon in his first stage debut The Sailors Bible, Church play (May 16 & 17)

25. Signed up to a month fitness challenge with Team Beachbody and Lost 10 lbs and a couple inches here and there... plus I feel so much better!  (June)

26. Prayed and decided to be the AHG Pioneers Troop Leader this coming year (May)

27. Watched #1 Yankee Mite Gideon play and improve in his little league baseball career.  I even pitched one game and got to play in the moms vs. kids (and I hit a home-run)   (May/June) #mypasttime

28. Had a successful year of being the "Voice" of the Scottish Hill Sea Lion's Swim team (announcer) (June - July) #SHRCswimteam 

29. Took Alita on a surprise 13th birthday Girls Weekend Trip to NYC (July 10-12) #Alita13BDay

30. Got to see Wicked on Broadway (among other awesome things in New York)  (July 10) It was WICKEDLY awesome!

31. Once again lead successful financial statements and audit #Lifeofanaccountant

32. Surprised Tim with a trip to Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC  #SPAheaven

33. Volunteered a day with Gideon's Cub Scout Day Camp  #cubscouts

34. Created a cool Summer Bucket List and almost completed all of it... still a few more weeks of summer (technically)  #SummerBucketList 

35.  Planed 6 different end of summer day trips.  Colonial Wilmington, Busch Gardens, Virginia Beach, Chapel Hill/UNC, Greensboro,  Hanging Rock #6differentdayvacy #EndofSummer

Here's to 36!  Cheers!

Pool and Parent Reflections...

On Saturday, My kids participated in a local swim competition with 25 other teams.  Let me start off by saying:  My kids are not the best swimmers.  They are really average (or below) for their age and this area.  We have a lot of great swimmers in the Triangle. 

My daughter gets very frustrated on being just average at things.  She wants to excel at everything (which she doesn’t excel at most things she does.)   She is competitive, fierce and she wants to shine sometimes brighter than I would like her to.   She takes a lot of pride in doing well and being a star so to speak.  She was telling me that she feels just average at everything these days.  She does many things well, but She doesn't have that one special talent that she is the best at.  She isn’t the smartest, fastest runner or swimmer, best trumpet player, funniest, tallest, etc... She is just ok at many things.  

I remember all so well, the feelings of being kind of "a nothing" in middle school.  (Gee, I am still kind of a nothing even as an adult.)  I remember how deflating it was to me, not being pretty or smart or richest.  I was kind of below average most of my life.  I didn’t have any one thing that I was great at or the star of either.  So I could relate to how she was feeling. 

But at this meet she was starting to get really discouraged.   She wasn’t beating her own personal best times or was ever once a heat winner.  At the end of the meet she was near the bottom percentile of the score sheet for just about every event she was in.     

I was trying my best to make her feel better, asking if she was having fun at least,  but then something very special happened.  Another parent came up to me and said that he was working the blocks at one of the other meets and he was so impressed with my daughter.  He said that she always was smiling, cheering for her teammates and has an overall great personality.  He said that he just felt the urge to share that with me.  This is not the first time someone has said these exact things to me.  I thanked him and gave credited to God, who made her that way.  

But it dawned on me ...  This could very well be her lot in life! 

As she finished the meet and need a little more cheering up.   I said to her that she received a very nice compliment from another parent.  I didn’t go into details with her but I told her this:

 “Alita, Many years from now.  I am certain that no one really will remember your swimming expertise or lack thereof.  No one will really remember if you were a good or even average swimmer.  No one will really remember THIS meet – not the scores, not the times, not even the heat winners.  You can practice more to be a better swimmer but I don’t think that is going to be what you’re known for.   What people will remember about you, and what you should really focus your efforts on – is who you are.  

People will remember your kindness and your smile.  They will remember you encouraging them and cheering for them.  So if you want to challenge yourself it’s in that - continue to be a great friend, good teammate and overall encouraging person.  Trust that God has a plan and purpose for you and don’t worry about all these in between moments.  As your mom, I am proud of you when you try your hardest and persevere, but  I more impressed you when you shine God’s spirit to others. You are a great person and you need to remember that is way more important than any record, time or earthly achievement.”   

She smiled her cute smile and I know that she heard me.  As a parent, it’s hard encouraging your children correctly.  I try my best to never put any extra pressure on her to do well.  (She does that enough herself.)  I am so blessed to have a daughter that shares with me and I do my best to not mess up that beautiful creature God has given to me, to care for.  I want to continue to help her shape her heart into loving and caring for others (which she is so gifted in) will serve her (and the Lord) for years to come.   For that I am truly gratefully -