What am I doing?

New year's... It's the time of year you say to yourself I'm going to do x, y, z...

This year  it's been a major time of reflection.

I keep asking myself "what am I doing?"

I love being self-aware,  but every now and then I become clueless on what I'm doing any who I am.

I keep going through life thinking I need to check the ALL of the boxes.  Or at least see many as I can.
Get married ☑️ check.  Have kids but ☑️ check. Get a job ☑️ check.  Drive a race car ☑️ check.

Lately I feel like I'm missing something really important.  My propose seems all jumbled and hodge podged.

Time is also against me as it seems I'm running out of it.  It's flying by and I'm aging way too fast.  They say you get to fully enjoy life when you're retired but I'm selfish and I want it now.

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a "Martha". - 100%
I'm trying to make sure the meal gets prepared, complain I'm the only one making it, and half the time I forget to stop and really enjoy the meal once it's complete.  

Most of the time while I'm already thinking about the next meal before finishing the first. 

I wish I could be a "Mary" or at least be 50/50 Martha/Mary combo.

Maybe my life purpose is really just to stop doing x,y,z... And start listening, sitting and enjoying all the little things.

I'm not sure how to do that and I'm not sure how much it truly enjoy that. But I'm not sure what I'm doing anyway so it's work a try.