All I want for Christmas...

Dear Friends & Family members,

The holidays are just around the corner and that means we’re all gearing up for the Most WONDERFUL time of the year...  

Our family this year has been really thinking about Christmas and what it all means to us.  Each Christmas Season we rack our brains on the perfect gifts for our kids. We spend way more money than we should and we end up with a whole lot of “Stuuufff” that we don’t really need.   This year we asked our kids what they really wanted for Christmas and they couldn’t really come up with valid wholesome Christmas gifts.  Other than Gideon wanting a Xbox (once again... in which we will never get him.)  Then when we asked what they really like from past Christmas gifts and they really couldn’t remember what they got.    All those wonderful things family and friends bought them and they can't remember much of anything. 

So, after long consideration and thoughtful prayer we decided that we are not going to make Christmas any more consumeristic than it already is.  The Buck family officially and formally asks for no consumer gifts from you this year.  We are healthy, happy, clothed, fed and loved. We have more than we need and really shouldn’t long for anything.

In December we’re going to start our annual Advent celebration.  It’s a daily time we look at our lives and walk with Christ, but this year we’re adding on to that.  We’re also going to do 24 days of ACTS of KINDNESS.  This is going to help our children see that it is far better to give thoughtfully than it is to get any pretty wrapped up (panini press.. yes I really want one of those) gift under the Christmas tree.  We know we are called to serve and we are learning to be more purposeful in cultivating our servant hearts. 

We do still plan to get our kids a couple things because there is no better joy, than seeing them open gifts on Christmas morning, but we are changing the way we do it all and we hope that you will respect our wishes and be inspired to do the same. 

Even though we are not wanting you to buy us something we do want a different kind of gift from you.  We want you to be inspired to do Acts of kindness as well!  These are a few ideas of some of the things we plan/hope to do and if you are inspired please do a few as well... there can never be too many acts of kindness at Christmas!

• Go to a Christmas church service especially if you haven’t ever been
• Give money to the pan-handler even if you don’t think they should be pan-handling
• Pay for someone else in the drive thru or leave a really big tip for your wait staff
• Donate toys to a toys for tots or other toy drive
• Send letters to soldiers
• Home make your Christmas gifts
• Donate food to a food pantry
• Visit with a sick or elderly person
• Take Treats to your fire station or police station
• Fulfill an Angel Tree request
• Fill an operation Christmas child box
• Give sweet treats to your letter carrier
• Join a run or walk that raises money for charity
• Take a home cooked meal to someone in need
• Be Cheerful, smile as often as you can, and cherish the small things
• Rake leaves or shovel snow for someone
• Make a contribution in someone’s honor or in memory of
• Take cookies to emergency room staff on Christmas Eve
• Volunteer to ring the Salvation Army Bell or at least throw some money in when you pass it by
• Pay for a widow’s groceries
• Support a Missionary ... we have names of some really great ones if you need one
• Thank your pastors and church staff
• Visit a nursing home
• Donate Blood
• Give hot chocolate to your trash collectors
• Hand out flowers to people at the mall
• Invite someone to Christmas dinner who would otherwise be spending the Holiday’s alone

If you have ideas please share them with us.   If you happen to do something on our list and you want that share with us your gift to someone else.  We’d love to hear your stories and ways you've blessed others.  Be inspired to be more like Christ this holiday season.

May God’s blessings be poured out on you and your family this year and beyond!

In Christ Alone,

The Buck family

Volume III: 100 Random Facts about me...

1.                  When I was a kid I wanted to learn the famous Flashdance "What a feeling" and Dirty Dancing "Time of my life"  dances.  I still do even as and adult... but I don't dance and I am so not that flexible.    

2.                  I know my kids well enough to know that Alita needs to marry a romantic man (when the time comes in 10+ years) 

3.                  I get extremely carsick with just about 99% of other drivers

4.                  I am the family driver of the house

5.                  Sometimes when I'm driving I make myself carsick

6.                  I don't look forward to teaching my children how to drive

7.                  In high school I was in love with a guy named Curt

8.                 As a matter of fact, We never even dated or spoke to each other, so I am not sure why I thought I would marry him.  I clearly didn’t.

9.                  I am not a fan of daylight savings time

10.             I don't care if Prius' are going to save the world, they're ugly

11.             I am 100% a different person when I'm driving in bad traffic or bad weather

12.             I often feel like the dog in the movie 'up'... squirrel!

13.             I'm pretty sure I would have been labeled as ADHD as a child, if that was a condition back then.  

14.             Find it amazing even as a grown woman, how self-conscious I am about my body

15.             I don't care if my clothes come from secondhand stores... most of my wardrobe does

16.             I am pretty happy that I'm not a vain person

17.             I have high expectations of movies and books and often disappointed in the endings of most

18.             I have to remind myself often not to take things so seriously

19.             I don't take care of myself as good as I should

20.             One of my former sixth-graders bought me a stuffed animal. Can you guess which my little pony she got me ?

21.             I care too much what people think of me but I'm trying to not

22.             I'm amazed how it could be years since hearing a song and I still know all the lyrics. 

23.             When I see strangely dented car sometimes I wonder how it got dented in that odd location and come up with a creative story

24.             Sometimes I resent that super ubber health person and their health posts, mostly because though I know the coke and bacon burger is bad for me, but at times I still want to eat it.

25.             I don't care for tofu

26.             I'll tolerate sushi but don't love it

27.             One of my Biggest pet peeve getting behind a slow driver,  I can often be found yelling at them to speed up

28.             Another one of my pet peeve is when your socks fall down in your boots

29.             I can't cry anymore , don't  stand so close to me ...

30.            No matter what I would never go back in time to relive parts of my life, especially high school

31.            My favorite class in High School was Mrs. Finney's Art IV class.. it rocked!

32.            A long time ago, I ran the 800 and 400m in track. I use to be fast, now I am a slow runner.

33.            Favorite Elvis song "can't help falling in love"

34.            I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

35.            I have said multiple times that Gideon is going to be the child that takes care of me when I am old

36.            I also tell Alita that she can pay for my care when I get old and that I am going to be expensive as she is.  

37.            When I was a kid, I always said I would take care of my mom when she got old and that I would braid her hair like she did for her mom

38.            I don't mind that my children are growing up, but I do wonder how I will feel once they leave home. 

39.            It's really hard not raising a momma's boy, so I publicly apologize to my future daughter in law now.  

40.            I have written a letter to Alita's future husband, I know it's odd, but I found it to be really awesome. I really want Alita to have a great husband, since she's a pretty great person!   

41.            I really disliked the Disney Princess movie "Frozen."  The music was ok at best, but I don't see how so many people LOVED it.  

42.            I wish that I was a more loving person.  I know some people who would give others the shirt off their back.  I am sometimes way to jaded and skeptical of people. 

43.            Goblet of Fire was my favorite Harry Potter book/ movie

44.            I often have moments when I'm driving to work, where I wonder, "did I put on deodorant this morning?"

45.            I'm often perplexed or simply weirded out, when people are not dressed and body parts that shouldn't be showing are showing. (i.e. old men running without a shirt... please put a t-shirt on.) 

46.            One of my nose nostrils is bigger than the other.  I notice this often when I am taking a selfie 

47.            I often have to delete selfies as they are not flattering at all

48.            When I'm driving and I'm about to hit something such as a squirrel I go ahead and shut my eyes so I don't see

49.            I was told if you can't smell peanut butter in your left nostril you have early signs of Alzheimer http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/10/10/newser-alzheimers-peanut-butter/2961393/

50.            I never had braces

51.            I'm highly considering graduate school... for my MBA

52.            I think it would be great to teach (adults) someday hence why I need an MBA.

53.            I'm amazed how I can still sing along with songs from days past (i.e. 90s Alternative / Grunge.)

54.            When I was younger my mom and I often would sing "you've lost that love and feeling" in the car at the top of our lungs.  We recently were in the car at the same time and it came on, so naturally we sang together again.    

55.            I have no musical talent

56.            I like to embarrass my kids at times so I'll start singing Like Buddy the Elf..."I'm singing in a store...."  It's cool

57.            I post more photos on Instagram than facebook, so if you want to see more of the life of Heather Buck follow me on instagram... Supersmock

58.            I firmly believe that we all are called to do many great things, but the most honorable one is to raise a child up right.  Teaching and instilling them with Love, Faith, Hope and Joy. 

59.             Due to the fact that a couple of my co-workers cook/ microwave Lean cuisine daily, I have develop true hatred of the smell of them especially the Asian ones.  BLAH

60.            When I see an empty box sitting in the hallway at work, I always wonder what would happen if I crawled insight and jumped out when people would walk by.  BOO!  I have a sick humor .. I know this. 

61.            I often time feel like I am on some reality TV show like Punked or something, so I make sure that I act all cool at times

62.            I recently spent way too long on some stupid import in which I could never make successful.  I really wish I could get back those hours of my life

63.            I want to believe the best in people, but I think certain people/ life events/ society have caused me to doubt humanity

64.            I saw Mario Lemieux score his 600 career goal back in 1997

65.            My mom wouldn't let me play ice hockey when I was a teen

66.            Instead of a class ring, I got glamour shots. They are funny to look at now but I'm glad I did it

67.            I really thought I was going to be a widow back in 2006 when Tim had cancer, it was scary stuff but it made me appreciate all the years I've had with him since. 

68.            I told Tim that I already have his memorial/ funeral planned and they will carry his casket to The Imperial March.  He approves.  

69.            I like Superman way more than I like Batman  (Batman has a bad attitude)

70.            I never read a comic book or seen a star wars movie prior to meeting my husband

71.            We camped out for episode 1's (Star Wars) release in Columbus, GA

72.            I also got my tattoo in Columbus, GA at Tatto Tommy's

73.            I love when my kids tell people their names and people say they are cool.  Gideon likes to always add that his name is in the bible.  

74.            Alita has been told most likely 1000 times how cute she is (and not from me)  no joke.  She just smiles and says thank you

75.            My hands stay constantly cold or constantly hot.  I'm Hot then I'm cold...

76.            I took a aptitude test and I was a Divergent scoring highest in Candor and Dauntless  (Honest & Brave)

77.            I am trying to be better at eating breakfast

78.            I recently started counting my calorie intact and have been really enlighten on healthy foods vs. non-healthy foods

79.            I am more afraid of a snake than I am using a chainsaw

80.            I am a glass have full as long as it's full of something good ... like coffee or wine

81.            I am a Minecraft junkie (I only play pocket addition though) 

82.            I am also proud of my Clash of Clans, currently a level 42

83.            I wish to be cremated.  The thought of being rotting in a box to me is just plan gross.  I know with all my heart. mind and soul that I will have a new body in Christ. The old is gone, but the new has come. 

84.            I also want a celebration of life, no funeral or service just a time to reflect of all that I was: my life in all it's glory, happy, silly, fun, loving, giving, crazy... with food, music, smores and dancing.  People better dance! 

85.            I am not afraid of dying, only afraid that I would die before I've seen my kids soar

86.            My knees are starting to give on me.  I don't look forward to have to give up running, but that time may come.

87.            I have a hard time being compassionate and showing sympathy towards people.  

88.            People are often shocked when I tell them I am in accounting.   I have been recently asked if I was a teacher, flight attendant and a special event planner.  

89.            I still don't want to know what I want to be when I grow up but it's definitely not a flight attendant or elementary school teacher. 

90.            I still remember my last conversation with my Grandma Mochel.  I miss her often and didn't really realize how special she was at the time.  She's been gone for over 15 years (July 11, 2000)

91.            My brother and I are original Mario Brothers experts.  I still remember playing his Nintendo back in the day.

92.            I read financial statements for fun.  It's a bit of a curse.

93.            I am often really jealous of people who have musical talents... I have none 

94.            I am constantly reminded how often I am sensitive and emotional

95.            I loved Madonna songs when I was a kid.  I loved singing “Like a Prayer” and to this day still sing along when I hear it on the radio.

96.            I didn’t have cable growing up but remember going to friends’ houses who had it

97.            I remember many times going to church and McDonald's afterwards with my best friend growing up. 

98.            I am going to be deaf when I get older, Heck, I am already a little hard at hearing.  (Too many concerts as a teen...)

99.            I don’t trust the “cloud” one bit!

100.       The thought of retiring at 57 is a very good feeling.  Here’s to me staying with the state of NC another 21 years. 

35 awesome things I did during my 35th year of life...

Well my birthday is coming up (this weekend) and as I celebrate being another year older, I wanted to reflect someone of the awesome things I did this year.  

We too often, don't count our blessings and I am starting to realize that life is too short to not  stop and cherish  all that we have done and accomplished... even the small things.  

So here's my list of 35 awesome things I did during my 35th year of life... 

1. Celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary (Oct 2)

2. Went on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic (Oct 6-13)

3. Took my kids to their first official rock concert, Newsboy (Oct 24)

4. Became a Certified Nonprofit Accounting Professional (Sept/Oct)

5. Ran the City of Oaks Half Marathon in Raleigh (Nov 2)

6. Threw Gideon an Epic Minecraft Birthday Party (Dec 6) #BOYLOVESMINECRAFT

7. Watched all three Lord of the Ring movies over the Christmas Holiday Break (Christmas)

8. Got a banjo for Christmas and is determined to learn to play it. (Christmas)

9. Welcomed the new year with my family in down town Raleigh at First Night Raleigh/ Alien Invasion (Dec 31)

10. Joined the famous Tuesday Night Women's Bible Study (Jan-May)

11. Help Gideon build a pretty cool helicarrier Pinewood derby car (Jan) #Cubscouts

12. Survived the Snow-pocalypse (2 long cold-snowy weeks in Feb) #NCWEATHER

13. Got to see my daughter shine in the Cary Applause's Secret Garden Play (Feb 28-March 1)

14. Got to see her shine in the Reedy Creek Middle School Oliver Musical too! (March)

15. Planned and executed the 2015 Cub Scouts Blue & Gold Banquet for Pack 244 (March 12)

16. Took my family on a cruise to the Bahamas and Grand Turk (March)

17. Snorkeled in the Caribbean with family (March 24)

18. Pet and Fed Stingrays (March 25)

19. Played with the coolest dolphin ever - Dixon!  (March 26)

20. Made it to Sunrise Easter Service (April 5)

21. Ran the Raleigh Rock in Roll Half Marathon (April 12)

22. Saw Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman aka MYTHBUSTERS Live! It was awesome! (April 29)

23. Watch my daughter once again rock the stage in the Cary Applause's Phantom Tollbooth (May 15, 16, 17)

24. Got to see Gideon in his first stage debut The Sailors Bible, Church play (May 16 & 17)

25. Signed up to a month fitness challenge with Team Beachbody and Lost 10 lbs and a couple inches here and there... plus I feel so much better!  (June)

26. Prayed and decided to be the AHG Pioneers Troop Leader this coming year (May)

27. Watched #1 Yankee Mite Gideon play and improve in his little league baseball career.  I even pitched one game and got to play in the moms vs. kids (and I hit a home-run)   (May/June) #mypasttime

28. Had a successful year of being the "Voice" of the Scottish Hill Sea Lion's Swim team (announcer) (June - July) #SHRCswimteam 

29. Took Alita on a surprise 13th birthday Girls Weekend Trip to NYC (July 10-12) #Alita13BDay

30. Got to see Wicked on Broadway (among other awesome things in New York)  (July 10) It was WICKEDLY awesome!

31. Once again lead successful financial statements and audit #Lifeofanaccountant

32. Surprised Tim with a trip to Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC  #SPAheaven

33. Volunteered a day with Gideon's Cub Scout Day Camp  #cubscouts

34. Created a cool Summer Bucket List and almost completed all of it... still a few more weeks of summer (technically)  #SummerBucketList 

35.  Planed 6 different end of summer day trips.  Colonial Wilmington, Busch Gardens, Virginia Beach, Chapel Hill/UNC, Greensboro,  Hanging Rock #6differentdayvacy #EndofSummer

Here's to 36!  Cheers!

Pool and Parent Reflections...

On Saturday, My kids participated in a local swim competition with 25 other teams.  Let me start off by saying:  My kids are not the best swimmers.  They are really average (or below) for their age and this area.  We have a lot of great swimmers in the Triangle. 

My daughter gets very frustrated on being just average at things.  She wants to excel at everything (which she doesn’t excel at most things she does.)   She is competitive, fierce and she wants to shine sometimes brighter than I would like her to.   She takes a lot of pride in doing well and being a star so to speak.  She was telling me that she feels just average at everything these days.  She does many things well, but She doesn't have that one special talent that she is the best at.  She isn’t the smartest, fastest runner or swimmer, best trumpet player, funniest, tallest, etc... She is just ok at many things.  

I remember all so well, the feelings of being kind of "a nothing" in middle school.  (Gee, I am still kind of a nothing even as an adult.)  I remember how deflating it was to me, not being pretty or smart or richest.  I was kind of below average most of my life.  I didn’t have any one thing that I was great at or the star of either.  So I could relate to how she was feeling. 

But at this meet she was starting to get really discouraged.   She wasn’t beating her own personal best times or was ever once a heat winner.  At the end of the meet she was near the bottom percentile of the score sheet for just about every event she was in.     

I was trying my best to make her feel better, asking if she was having fun at least,  but then something very special happened.  Another parent came up to me and said that he was working the blocks at one of the other meets and he was so impressed with my daughter.  He said that she always was smiling, cheering for her teammates and has an overall great personality.  He said that he just felt the urge to share that with me.  This is not the first time someone has said these exact things to me.  I thanked him and gave credited to God, who made her that way.  

But it dawned on me ...  This could very well be her lot in life! 

As she finished the meet and need a little more cheering up.   I said to her that she received a very nice compliment from another parent.  I didn’t go into details with her but I told her this:

 “Alita, Many years from now.  I am certain that no one really will remember your swimming expertise or lack thereof.  No one will really remember if you were a good or even average swimmer.  No one will really remember THIS meet – not the scores, not the times, not even the heat winners.  You can practice more to be a better swimmer but I don’t think that is going to be what you’re known for.   What people will remember about you, and what you should really focus your efforts on – is who you are.  

People will remember your kindness and your smile.  They will remember you encouraging them and cheering for them.  So if you want to challenge yourself it’s in that - continue to be a great friend, good teammate and overall encouraging person.  Trust that God has a plan and purpose for you and don’t worry about all these in between moments.  As your mom, I am proud of you when you try your hardest and persevere, but  I more impressed you when you shine God’s spirit to others. You are a great person and you need to remember that is way more important than any record, time or earthly achievement.”   

She smiled her cute smile and I know that she heard me.  As a parent, it’s hard encouraging your children correctly.  I try my best to never put any extra pressure on her to do well.  (She does that enough herself.)  I am so blessed to have a daughter that shares with me and I do my best to not mess up that beautiful creature God has given to me, to care for.  I want to continue to help her shape her heart into loving and caring for others (which she is so gifted in) will serve her (and the Lord) for years to come.   For that I am truly gratefully - 

Strong but sometimes Sensitive ...

I have been going through a lot of different situations in my life that has got me examining once again, who am I? Question mark because often times I need to remind myself who I am.  

I know, the life of a woman has its ups, the downs and many times wind blowing your hair out of place.  We women are mysteries on so many levels.  Sometimes we are STRONG... WEAK... and just a little SENSITIVE.  

I recently sent a text to my pastor telling him "I am way stronger than you think I am..." but am I really?

I am strong because of Christ... Only because he has taught me in my 30 something years that He is Good and He has his reasons.  I was recently considering some career changes and something fell in my lap that seemed almost too good to be true.   I felt and thought God was pushing me towards and was a little surprised I was rejected.  I was a bit anger at first as I thought why shake it up Lord, only to tell me I am not good enough.   It once again brought up a lot of many past memories of people (I loved) telling me I wasn't good enough.  Love interest not being interested in me.  People telling me I wasn't smart enough to go to college.   Others telling me I couldn't do it because I was a woman.  Etc. Etc.  I have lived a life of disappointment in not being good enough. I had made a pack with myself that I wouldn’t cry anymore.   Satan loves when we believe those lies.  

So I once again found that my strength in him, didn't shake me or break me in to a million pieces. It only solidify my passion and drive.  I am strong because he made me that way.  

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da... but I went out for a run the other night and while I was running I remembered my snarky response to my pastor.   “I am way stronger than...”  Am I really all that strong?  Nah that’s just me and my coping method of not letting myself cry over silly things.  But during that run, I was reminded how sensitive I really am.  I do care if my sister-in-law doesn’t like my kids facebook photos when I like her kids facebook photos,   or that I wasn’t invited to the meeting that I should have been invited to because I am after all the one in charge of the finances.  It’s those moments when being rejected makes you feel so self-worthless.  It’s ok to be sensitive and cry at really cute YouTube videos of babies and puppies.  It’s OK to feel under appreciated or disenchanted because your life seems so out of control. 

Who I am is a child of God that sometimes can run marathons but sometimes just needs a hug from a friend.  Made in his image, for his purpose and all in his time.  Strong but sometimes sensitive...

Twisted Motives

A few weeks ago, I had gotten an idea to paint a picture.   I haven't painted anything in months, as I am not often motivated or inspired to do so.  But one Saturday afternoon, I found some motivation.  

I started to paint a very colorful picture, that I started to really love how it was coming out.  Most of the time I don't love my artwork, but find it to be rather nice/ tolerable.   But this painting was a bit different.  I really loved it and in that moment, I wanted to give it to a friend that was(is) going through a rough moment in life.  I thought of her as I was paining it and I told my daughter I wanted to give it to her.  She said "you should."  

I second guessed myself and was trying to talk myself out of giving it to her.  I said, oh it would seem strange me giving her a painting. But the Holy Spirit prompted me and reassured that I should give it to her. 

That afternoon after the paint dried, I wrapped the painting up and drove to her house.   I rang her door bell and she and her family came to the door.  With my heart pounding,  I smiled and said  "I painted you a picture."  I know it must have been so creepy and strange.  I am not super close to this person.  I told her that I have been praying for her and her situation.  I said that as I was painting this, I felt she should have it.  

I don't typically have the 'gift of giving' gene.  I am too logical to help people with such day to day needs.  I don't think to make a meal for people who need it or offer to do tasks in which people need.  I am not a 'giver' - but in this moment I was.  I felt so great giving her that painting that I loved and that I would have loved to hang in my own home.  I was selfless and it felt great.  

She didn't open it in front of me. I told her she could open it after I had gone, when she was ready.  I never saw her face express or any reaction to my gift.  I simple said that it was in my heart to give it to her and that I hoped she liked it.  We said our goodbyes and  I skipped to the car and drove home feeling rather proud that I did a nice thing.  In that moment I wondered if I could paint more people pictures, if I could make it a ministry to bless people.  I felt that my motives would be that from the spirit.  To bring beauty to this world. 

However, a couple days went by, then a week, then almost two and I hadn't heard anything from this friend.  I started to wonder.  I start to doubt.  I started feeling my motives twisting into a wicked sinfulness.  My heart began to sink and I began to dwell on many things.   

Worry. Fear. Pride. Resentment. Anger. I started to let my fears of rejection creep in.  What if she hated it?  What if it doesn't match her home?  What if it was too abstract?  What if it was too strange of a thing to do?  What if it reminder her of of something terrible? What if she doesn't want it?  What would I do if I found my painting in the thrift store bin?  What if she didn't have the courage to tell me she didn't like it?  Satan loves feeding those things into our heads.  

I knew when I painted it and gave it to her, I didn't expect anything. It was my gift and my heart was more than happy to give it.  But I realized that my heart can be quite tricky and ultimately I need some kind of confirmation that my gift was acceptable and appreciated.   I started to let Satan really manipulate my motives.   I felt a bit rejected and it made me a little angry.  

Sadly, I felt that I did deserve to be recognized.  I haven't painted in months,  and when I did I was rejected.  However God likes to send us reminders of our faults.  Because shortly after all those stupid head games,  I got the really beautiful thank you card in the mail and  I realized how terrible I let my heart became.   My friend started the thank you by explaining why she delayed in her response to me.  I sank.  

In my own rejection, I began to see how often I reject Christ. Almost daily.   His gift was way more valuable than my silly painting and yet, I often don't have any gratitude towards his gift and his love.   

I realized how much I struggle with gratitude myself and how often I feel rejected from this world.  Deeply I know that this world will really not give me what I long for and what I desire - as I desire to be in Christ fully and deeply.  I can only be satisfied if I could become more like him and enter his presence fully.    

I am grateful that Philippians 1:6 reminds me over and over again... That he began a good work in ME and He WILL see it through to completion!  He reminds me more times than I care to confess that I am a sinner in need of his good love and grace.  I am also reminded that I have the option of making things more beautiful through my art, I should not twist my motives to convenience myself and I just need to stay true to what my heart knows to be true...  love.  

Any way, shape or form

I don't have a crowd of followers or a fan fair.  Probably most of my friends don't read my blog or like many of my Facebook posts.   I am not popular or famous in any way, shape or form. 

I don't experience moments when I walk in the room and it is instantly lighten up.   People stop, turn, look, smile and a scene of joy enters.  Those moments never happen to me.  I am not anything special in any way, shape or form.

I don't do anything that is big and grand.  Anyone could do my job or live my life.  Nothing I do is extraordinary in any way, shape or form.

We remind ourselves that nothing is really special about us.  Plain Jane.  I especially tell myself how unexceptional I am but why is any of this important?

It's not because I have low self-esteem or lack some passion that burns in me.  I don't hate my life in the shadows.  I don't long to be recognized by those around me.  I don't seek fame, fortune, or glory in any way, shape or form.  

Don't get me wrong,  I absolutely love being a blessing to others.  Throwing a pot luck at work, or leaving notes for my friends.  I love bringing joy and happiness to others.   I smile thinking about being a blessings to others unknowingly.   I don't boast in my accomplishments and I certainly don't struggle with being fain or prideful.  

I know I don't have any superhero gifts, like so many people do.  I wouldn't know what to do if someone need any kind of medical attention.  I don't have a head full of knowledgeable facts and figures.  I am no theologian, prophet, priest or king.  I don't have a heart burning to accomplish anything rather grand and glorious.  

I look at some peoples lives and I see great wonderful things.  They are good people doing good for all humanity.  The are kind, gentle, and more humble than I could even imagine.  

I don't really remember what I have set out to accomplish.  I don't really recall some of my lofty dreams, I once had as a young girl.  I at some point wanted to do great and wonderful things.  What has happened?

I certainly don't want to look back at my life and say "what is it that I really did?"  "What marks/ legacy's have I left, if any on the world or in humanity?"  I don't in any shape or form, want to be famous.  I just don't want to be forgotten and more importantly I don't want God to look at me and tell me how much I missed in the process.   I don't want to regret all the things I missed by lurking in the shadows and being too afraid to stand out in the crowd.  

ah, yes,  It's hard to believe as I once loved the spot light, I loved the crowds.  I loved being noticed.   But I do think at times, I have faded away.  

Is it wrong to at times want to be remember like the greats and not so greats?  I  know I will never be as strong as Goliath, famous as Elvis Presley,  as noble Benjamin Franklin, or loving as Mother Teresa.  I don't doubt, that I will just be a name somewhere in a graveyard.  

But my name is written somewhere even more awesome than googles "Most famous people in the world."  It's written in a book far better than anything my mind could created.  God notices me everyday even in the shadows even in my splendors and my failures.  He notices, when I doubt myself or even doubt his plan, his purpose and his love.  He loves me in our imperfections, in my boldness and in my humbleness.   He loves me in all ways, shapes of forms.  

Start Counting...

Oh so often, I start to count all the things that go "wrong."  These range from I don't really like the hair cut or color, or the boy didn't place well at the pinewood derby as I thought he should,  or I am so tired today because I stayed up too late playing minecraft, or why don't my family members call me more often, or I am not getting a bigger tax refund than we normally do.  These are real life complaints I have actually said to myself in my head.

Too often,  I start comparing myself to all those around me. Such as my house isn't as nice as theirs, or my kids aren't perfect in some shape or way,  or even I wish I looked as nice and put together as she does.

Why do we do that?

Why can't we really look at the important things in life?

Why can't we instead count our blessings.
















I often forget how blessed I really am.

I live in a country that allows me many freedoms!
I have a God that loves me in-spite of my many flaws!
I have children that love life and don't seem to want more than I can provide them!
I have a really good marriage even despite my lack of nurturing at times!

Why do we often focus on the negatives than all the positives?
At times, I have to remind myself that we are at war with our sins and our sinful nature.  Satan wants us to count the bad and not the blessings!  God however reminds over and over again to come to him all that is weak and weary!  He gives us rest.  He reminds us how blessed we are not but guilt or shame but out of love and peace.

We need to change our mindsets and start counting the real things that make us who we are.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow!