Why I have a blog. Hint: It's not really for you.

I don’t really expect anyone to ever truly read my blog.   I don’t really publish many postings out there to sites where people would come to visit me here.   I am not famous or even highly interesting most days of my life.   I am not wise or smart.   My English and grammar are to be desired.   I know that I believe way too much in Capitalization, Commas and - Hyphens.   Honestly I don’t have anything really interesting to say most days. 

I am just a girl struggling as much as the next person trying to figure out this crazy thing we call - life.  Every now and then, I have a thought that I just can’t keep hidden inside anymore.  We all got something to say every now and again, right?  So every now and again, I blog.

I won’t lie, I have many unpublished postings.   I may have thought one day a posting would bring new meaning to my simple decent life, but they have become just another unfinished post or even just a title. 

  Some of those include:

•    Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I am angry...
•   What's in your tool box?
•  Humbly His Part, 1, 2 and 3   
•   Hard Working Women
•  Previous Life (Part 1 and Part 2)
•  Who's in Charge here...

Come to think of it the truth is, most of my life is unpublished.   I bet almost everyone has a most of their life unpublished (excluding narcissists of course.)  I would say most people could care less if anyone really got a glimpse of what they are thinking or feeling.  As I do - most of the time.  

I have recently indicated, if you read my blog, that my heart is protected by a fortress.   I could joke that I have a tendency of walking on the mines I’d laid. 

You may get that, you may not?   But what I have learned: we all live in similar 'prisons.'  We all have 'secrets' or even insight we keep all buried up inside.   

Having a blog has made me realize, I don’t have to stay inside my fortress all the time.   It gives me permission to get out of my comfort zone.   Be vulnerable.   Open up the curtains for just a moment to let the big bad world see inside.   I don’t want to leave a life where my loved ones will have to clear out all the ‘clutter’ when I am long gone.   

I often struggle with not wanting people to know who I really am – who I am most days.  Which honestly is a mess and highly non-entertaining.   I am happy, healthy and by God’s grace- loved!  Loved by many people, who do care about what I have to say even if they do or do not read my blog.   

I blog to remind myself that God is actively in my life- fighting to show me what it means to live and love.  To remind myself that being published isn’t always a scary thing.  To not be afraid of ‘being out there’ in the world.   We will always have challenges – I try to write about them as I face them.  Sometimes it’s easier than others.  Sometimes God fills me with the wisdom to discern them.   Maybe I blog to remind myself over and over again the things I keep learning and yet keep forgetting.  You may find them unimportant to you and that doesn't hurt my feelings.  

But when I am aimlessly wondering the desert time and again- wondering what it is I really need in life or need to be doing or thinking or feeling.   When it’s all said and done and I figure out my own nonsense – I am free, grateful, and I try at times to blog about it.  Hence, I blog and it's not really for you at all.