After 15 years of marriage.. here are 15 random facts I have learned so far:
1. I married a sinner, so I have learned much about forgiveness and how to forgive. However, he also married a sinner, so I have learned how to seek forgiveness and be reconciled. I have cried many tears over sin that has affected my life. Both His and my own. If married you must be willing and able to forgive and ask for forgiveness, pretty much daily.
2. Having children is one of the most rewarding and selfless things you'll every "do" in life, but you have to remember your marriage came first. I joke with my husband that we'll have each other again when the kids leave home, but that's not good enough. Your marriage is more important than parenting. Your kids will use your marriage and apply that to their lives... make it a true romance.
3. Communication is key. If you don't talk, then walls will build and love can die. Tell the truth, talk daily, talk often, share your feelings and listen wholeheartedly. Even if it's just sharing a cup of tea or coffee on the front porch after the kids are in bed, make time to communicate.
4. Don't compare your life or marriage to others. Everyone is different and some things come easier or harder. Just because someone makes it look easy, doesn't mean they have it easy. Most of the time they are faking it or winging it.
5. Be content. Wishing for something different or your spouse to be different will only cause strive. You don't have to keep up with the Jones or have everything your hearts desire. The grass may look greener... but most likely it's just being watered more. Which brings me to number six....
6. Be willing to work hard for a great marriage. You have to be willing to put in long hard hours. A marriage should be treated as a marathon or a triathlon not a sprint. If you're not tired, you're not working hard enough. When you hit a wall, keep going, push through. No one said you would have it easy, you just have to never give up.
7. Sickness and heath.. cancer can put it all on to perspective. When they wheel your loved one into OR, you will remember it all and cherish it all. You will pray like you've never prayed before. No one really thinks much of this vows on their wedding day, but it is one of the benevolent one you make.
8. Sacrifice. You can't always get what you want. Being married teaches you much about making sacrifices - almost daily. If you're not willing to put your loved one first, don't get married. The biggest thing you will sacrifice in a marriage is your personal time. And most of time if you're lucky like me, it won't feel like a sacrifice at all.
9. Be positive. It's so easy to fall into the negative Nelly mindset. Though your spouse can be there to listen to you vent at times, it's not fair to complain about every little thing. Yes we carry each other's burdens, we encourage and we listen but it's important to be positive and optimist. Life is stressful and will always be.
10. Love and respect each other. It's important to know if your spouse drives on being loved or being respected. Great book written by Dr. Emerson Eggerich called Love and Respect. If you haven't read it, go buy it. It will teach you much more about your spouse than I could ever enlighten you with.
11. Have lots of Sex with you spouse. Yes, I said it (added the spouse part, just in case you needed that clarification.) Don't be stingy with sharing your love in this form. Do it as often as possible. It's not always easy to do. Don't make excuses or wait till the mood is right. Most of the time it won't be and most of the time you really have lots of other important things to do. But being intimate is so very important in marriage and this is the best way for it.
12. Serve one another. If I ask: My husband will get me anything from the kitchen I desire. He willingly rubs my back or feet if they are hurting. He will help me tear down walls if I am in need of an additional home improvement project. He knows how to serve me. It's important to do the little things to show you're loved one how much you love them, and the best way to do that is through service.
13. Be each others advocate. I found that it's highly important to be each other's cheerleaders. Encourage and pray for them often. You should never talk bad (or down) about your spouse to others. It can be an easy thing to fall trap into, but I have seen firsthand what happens when you aren't standing up for your spouse or being their biggest supporter during a "life" attack.
14. Laugh. It's highly important to have a great sense of humor in marriage and in life. Life can be too serious.. most all of the time. My children, coworkers and friends have learned that my husband and I are big kids- most of time. We laugh, play games, run around acting and dancing silly. Life is short, make it fun and laugh as often has possible.
15. Have Faith in God. You have the right to disagree with me. BUT, I have found that nothing is more important in life than having a loving relationship with Jesus Christ. When you love God, only then you can love others unselfishly and fully. When I am fully faithful to my Lord.. I have a great marriage. When I am not... we roam around aimlessly trying our best to make it work... and we fail.
Here's to the next 15 years!
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