Yard sales and coupons

I'm constantly reminded how good God has been to me and my family.

Not long after our daughter was born we really struggled financially.  We always lived within our means and didn't go out and buy things we didn't really need.  We didn't go on fancy vacations or drive expensive cars. We didn't live in a giant house.

My husband worked as a contractor at IBM and each year for three years they gave him a pay cut. We were told to just be grateful he still had a job and did what we could.

I was pretty financially savvy so I bought things from yard sales and thift stores.  I used coupons and bought items on sale. 

Sometimes I would gather up anything that we could sale at a yard sale just to have money for groceries that month.  We never asked anyone for help because no one really had the means to help us and we made due.

When we didn't have any savings or any extra money in the budget, I was struck with the notion we needed to give money to the church.  We truly served in our church and felt our tithing was that service. But God told us to give. Faithfully we gave and each time we received any increase in pay or bonus... We gave more.  It was hard but it was good.

Things really have changed over the years and I'm always humbly reminded how God provided for us and blessed us.  We're not living lavishly.  I still shop at yard sales and thrift store but not scrimping by... living paycheck to paycheck and on credit cards.

We continue to look for ways to give it back to God since it's he who provided it in the first place and it's he who got us through... With coupons and yard sales.

Chapters

It shouldn't amaze me that raising a teenage daughter is difficult... Most days it isn't and sometimes it's harder than giving birth to them.

My daughter has moments where she panics and allows anxiety to vester. She's terribly afraid that she's missing out on opportunities or is lacking in certain experiences.

She's plaqued with this fear that her whole life is determined by the here and now.  I can't fault her as I'm wired the same exact way at times.

In hindsight, I am able to see how my life had been broken out in chapters.  I know I haven't done a great job in some of those chapters.

Some chapters were very short.  Some very long and boring.  I'm enjoying my current one, but know even it will end at some point.

I would love for my daughter to see that her life can be a great adventure even just one chapter at a time.  The whole story isn't yet written...

JUST JESUS

Too often I tell myself that I JUST need to do XYZ and everything will be great.

If I run that marathon or climb that mountain or get that promotion…

My mind says “Just do it.”  

But as I get older I see that no matter what I do in my best efforts it’s never going to be  enough.

No mater how many things I accomplish that only thing that matters is ... JUST JESUS.

I am not able to do anything good it apart from him. 

I must live just like Jesus:  Loving others, forgiving sins and healing this broken world.

Reflecting on my life.. I am not living Just for Jesus. 

I am not loving others, forgiving or doing much to heal those around me. 

I need to constantly remind myself that I need to be closer to JUST JESUS.

He will continue to love me, forgive me and heal me…

He continues to remind me that he’s all we need. 

Just Jesus!

Regrets and opportunities

A friend recently asked me if I regretted leaving my former employment for my current... Having seen some of the major changes and disappointments.

In addition the recent acquisition that doesn't leave me with the confidence that my job responsibilities will get any better or even guaranteed a job in a year.

I honestly don't hate my job but it's so easy to be discouraged and left wondering... What did I do? 

I've never been one to have regrets and even with leaving a great job working with great people. I honestly said I didn't have any regrets.

I truly believe in God's work and his plans on my life.  I've learned a lot about what it means to trust him over the years and this is no different.

Over the past year, I've learned a lot about business and leadership and how people handle all sorts of ups and downs. 

I've also meet some really awesome people that have humbly reminded me how amazing our God is.  Even in the midst of the greatest storm they could ever face.  He's faithful.

So when I think of regrets and opportunities I know that God doesn't make mistakes and is always pointing us in the right direction... We just have to be paying attention.

Nobody

I have been in a funk for sometime now.. the Devil keeps telling me that I am not enough, I am not important, I will never measure up, and that I am nobody.   

I constantly struggled with feeling that I am suppose to be here for something … something bigger.  While on a run last week the song Nobody by Casting Crowns came on.

(I love how God speaks to me through music… especially while running.)

In the song Nobody the Chorus sings:

‘Cause I’m just a nobody

Trying to tell everybody

All about Somebody

Who saved my soul

…

I’m living for the world to See

Nobody but Jesus

I love that I am often humbly reminded it’s not about me… so I just need to tell the devil I’m nobody… but JESUS!

Legacy... How will they remember me.

My work has a work intranet that folks can post announcements, photos or random blog posts.  Last week a gentleman posted a blog entry about Milton Hershey and his legacy of Love. 

It was a nice tribute to on how Milton gave his wealth away and how he loved..

I was moved to post a comment that said:  The great thing about a legacy is we never quite know what it'll look like... and the only legacy worth having is one pointing back to Christ. 

It's so easy to be discouraged when you're not a wealthy successful business person who can financially give to great organizations.. but even just my short time here at I have gotten to see some legacies in action...  Then I highlighted a few people and how they are loving others.

I struggle with my legacy daily .. and I love how as I mature in Christ, I am starting to see that Jesus is the only legacy worth living for. 

 For too long, I have been trying to make a name for myself and chase dreams that I think will fulfill my time here. 

As I reach closer to 40, I am wondering how much of my life is pointing to Christ… and how much of my life is for my own legacy.

Gesso

As an occasional painter, I've been known to take an old painting and paint over it.

There's a product called white gesso and it's purpose is to prime a canvas for oil painting and pre-prime and old paintings to be used again.

It hides all the color that is under it but it doesnt hide the texture or previous strokes.

Often times in life we have to somewhat start all over again.  Perhaps it's restarting after a bad relationship, or a medical procedure that had left you different than before, or a job or career that hasn't really fulfilled you.  Most of the time we find ourselves wanting to cover up a major mistake.

Sometimes we wish life had a gesso option.  Something that could cover up everything that was there before.  A new start...

As for me, I know it's my sinful heart that longs for the whiteness and freshness of a new clean canvas.  One thing that often gives me great comfort is... Jesus is my gesso. 

He paid for my sins and his life makes me white again and covers my iniquities.  Much like the gesso coving up a old painting.  He covers it.  My scars are much like the texture of the paint.. still there but covered and healed.  I'm able to be new through him.

I'm ok with being pre-prime over and over again as long ... as it takes to become that masterpiece God has in store for me.  I'm his work of art and he is at work.