Why I don’t hate being an accountant.

When I was a child I didn’t want to be an accountant.  I wanted to be an architect. 

The problem was, I wasn’t the best student and frankly I was terrible at math.  Yes, terrible at math.  But … I’m an accountant.  Yep.  I joke with people that I don’t love numbers until you put the Dollar sign in front of them. Then I’m interested.

Even at an early age, I was an entrepreneur.   I had my first job at 12 and my summers consisted of picking and selling vegetables at a local farmer stand in Western PA and delivering the Butler Eagle to about 35 families.  I worked because – I wanted money.  I loved money. 

In High school, I had two part-time jobs dishwashing and general contracting / commercial construction laborer.  When I graduated I decided to take a gap year and work for Habitat for Humanity International as an AmeriCrorps member.   I loved construction and after all I did want to be an architect.  Why not build the houses before designing them?  I did residential construction for a year and half and decided I didn’t love building them after all. 

I started off as an Administrative Assistant and worked my way up to an office manager.  Then changed jobs and became and Accounting Assistant and worked my way up to Director of Finance.  I wasn’t the world’s greatest Accountant… but I worked hard, built relationships and put myself through college while working and raising a family.  I was successful – because I was determined.  Did I love what I did… well not really but I was decent at it.  

When people meet me, they are always shocked that I am an accountant as I don’t fit that mold all that well.  I say that I would like to create a club called the Extroverted Accountants – but I would probably be the only member.    I don't hate being an accountant, but I am starting to hate money. 

It’s interesting how life unfolds… many people don’t end up in their dream jobs or even remotely know what those are.  I am starting to think my dream job is retirement, but that’s long ways off.  I joke that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up… I just know that we are called to evolve and grow and do whatever it is the Lord puts before you. 

Cog in the wheel

I wrote this blog title a few days ago.  No content just the title. 

Then I found out today our small/mid size company is being aquired by a big company.

My work life has been rather stressful lately and now things are starting to make sense why they are. I'm not sure what's really going to happen over the next few months or year.  So many uncertainties.

For every company I've ever worked for I always feel like just a cog in the wheel.

Minor... But necessary.

I've never played a major role in any of the  companies I've worked for and I have never been part of any major decisions.. just a simple little cog.

Now as we all brace ourselves for a big change, with many uncertainties. I certainly don't fear change as I'm all about growing and developing. 

If I'm honest this confirms a lot of things that I needed at this time in my life.

When I really reflect on this I believe realize, we are all cog's in God's kingdom.

Jesus told us we are all part of the body.  We all have different gifts and talents.  We may at times feel so minor.. but we're highly necessary.

God has a plan and purpose for all things and even when I begin to feel so minor I'm humbly reminded of his goodness.

Bulletproof

Just listen to the song Titanium (feat. Sia) by David Guetta.

It's a great techno song (next time you hear it try to listen just to the music.) Yet it does have some fun lyrics.

The line that sticks with me: "I'm bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away.."

Even though he's fictional, It makes me think of Superman.. being actually bulletproof. 

I think of classic Superman comic of people shooting at him.  It makes Superman strong by just standing there taking everything that comes at him.

We may not shoot people with actual bullets but we do with our words and our hatred. I am reminded that there is so many people out there who are really trying to be bulletproof and not let these things hurt them so much.  However, I am pretty sure no one really can deflect everything thrown their way.  

  

Wouldn't it be great if we could be completely like Superman all the time.  Standing firm - Bulletproof!

What's a matter with you?

Last night I had another one of those "woe is me" conversation with my husband.  I know he just loves when I throw myself a pity-party.

They always stem from major stress or frustration.  Something going on in my life that I just can't control.

I know that my goal is to give all of that to God.  He's good.  He's faithful. 

But I can't seem to shake something's off.  Last night's conversation was around my favorite topic.. My job.

My husband tells me I focus too much on titles and money.  Hard not to do when you're in accounting.   He told me that what I make financially is how I measure success.

There is some truth to that, I'll admit. 

But as I read some different articles this morning, I realized that it's not about my title or how much money I make.. It's all about mattering. 

Woman (Maybe it's just me) are wired to want to mean something, have an influence, add value.. to matter.

What seems to be my biggest and current struggle is I don't feel like I make a difference or I'm not really living out my purpose.  One could say that's a spirit from God.. while others could say that's the devil on my back.

It's a struggle to balance it.  Am I meant for greater things or am I just supposed to live a quiet humble life...  Simple living and loving.

I don't have grand desire to rule the world or even travel it.. but I do have something telling me: I need to do more than what I'm currently doing. 

I just have to wait and see what that involves.

I know that we're all called to live for the Lord and that's really all that matters...

Can't rain all the time

It's been an unusual rainy summer this year.

I've never minded the rain.  I usually like a good summer thunderstorms every now and again. 

I was recently thinking about how our spiritual lives can really mimic the weather. 

Sometimes we shine so bright much like a warm spring or summer day. We live out our faith with bold colors and a cheerful simile.

Sometimes we just want to stay bundled up trying to warm like a chilly winter day.

Sometimes we go through blizzards, tornados or even hurricanes.  Everything is off, we can't seem to get out of a trial or tribulation.

And then there's just all the rainy days.  We know that the rain is critical in the plant cycle but at times we're tired of being wet and soggy.

God uses weather analogies throughout scripture, as he is the creator of it all.  Noah, Moses, Jonah etc... all had difficulties with weather.  He uses water just as often.  

Jesus was able to walk on water and tell the storm to stop... By telling it to hush

I know it can't rain all the time but sometimes no matter how many times we tell the storm to hush it's just keeps storming ...

Turning 39...

Yep next month I turn 39 and I have been reflecting a lot about my life, my accomplishments and the things I haven't done yet.  

Since I am a type A person.. everything has to have a purpose or goal.  So before I turn the big 4-0.. there are quite a few things I want to do.  

What better way to celebrate such a milestone than to make a bucket list of sorts...  I will post the official list on my 39th birthday so stay tuned. 

If you have suggestions put them in the comments.   

Whispers of the World...

Every now and then I have to pause and really remind myself that the whispers of the world are wrong!

It's those times when I start to get a little depressed for no reason, when I start to compare my life to the life of others, when I wonder why I am wasting my talents and missing out on the things I really enjoy.

This world is constantly whispering in my ear...

… what are you trying to prove?  … you can’t, and you won’t be anything special.

It’s true that even in our best efforts we will never be perfect.  We can study, practice or devote more time to becoming better at something or even special in some unique way but we’ll never truly succeed.  Our shallow motives drive our attention and we always become consumed with idea that we need to prove our worth our value or simply the fact that we mean something.  I often find myself believing the lies that no matter what I do I will never be smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough.  But the true is I may never accomplish anything super spectacular or make a huge impact on the world, but I will always be special to God. 

... why do you bother when no one really cares about you?  … no body really loves you. 
It’s very easy to fall into the self sorry pit and believe that no one loves you especially if you're an emotional women. We have a tendency to put everyone first in our lives.  We're mothers and wives who never say no and often times ask ourselves if anyone even notices our sacrifices.  (Even more so with teenagers...)  I don't mind loving my family but when it comes to being loved back, sometimes we don't feel it as much as we give it.  But God is constantly teaching me to love others unconditionally ... not expecting anything in return and the world keeps telling me at times .. that's not right and that's not fair.  I have to remind myself that human love will never fulfill me completely  and is often fading but God's love is eternal.  He will love me regardless of what I bring and will never stop. 

Sometimes we have to tell the whispers to be quiet.  Sometimes we have to scream at the whispers to be quiet and sometimes we just need to turn the music up and drown them out.  It's not easy but if we stay grounded in God's love and faithfulness ... we can often remind ourselves that the  whispers are lies and aren't true.