Why can't we be friends

Very recently I found out that a friend of mine lied to me about something.  I gathered that she didn't want to hurt my feelings about it, so perhaps she just thought a little white lie wouldn't matter and spare my feelings.  But after hearing the truth from another friend, it got me thinking about our friendship.  

What does it say about your friendship that you're willing to tell one friend the truth and another friend a white lie, which last time I checked was a ... lie.  Now I could certainly go to said friend and inquire the truth and seek some sort of reconciliation but it comes back to the fact that person is an untrustworthy friend.  

I am sure that we all have different things that are deal breakers in our relationships.  But what should be the qualities of a good friend?  I continually try to share traits/qualities I believe are worthy with my teenage daughter.  This is something that can be difficult at the moody ages of 14-15 years old.  

She had a very good friend text her not that long ago that she didn't want to be friends anymore.  The girl was upset with something my daughter did and just decided that instead of going to her and telling her the truth or the reason she was upset, that a text breaking up was a better solution. This didn't bode well at all with my daughter.  

I think we're getting lazy in our relationships.  Rather than speaking truth that can be painful we would rather tell a white lie or simply just abort the relationship.  

So what I have concluded is that if the friendship is really worth it... try to save it.  Make a best effort to go to that person for reconciliation.  However, if the person isn't really someone what brings joy or makes you want to be a better person... don't.   Don't try and sugar coat a relationship that perhaps just ins't meant to be. 

Friends come and sadly sometimes go.  Some are around for a paragraph in your life book and others might be around for many chapters. 

Smiling is my Favorite

This year I decided to put Smiling More on my New Years Resolution. 

Among the mighty list of things I would like to improve upon this year ... having a positive deposition being positive is one of the biggest.  

Smiling can be a form a therapy and just think... It's free.  A long time ago, I took a customer service class and they stated that you should always answer the phone with a smile.  Over the years I have answered the phone with a smile and I have answered the phone with a "what the heck" attitude.  I guarantee  the caller knew the difference.  

I hope to smile at all those walking pass me because I don't know who needs it.  When my family is frustrated or moody I am hoping that I will choose to smile and help them become more positive.  When I am in a boring meeting and my eyes want to roll back and I want to crawl under the table... I hope that I can remember to smile.  

So I invite you to join me, and make smiling your favorite in 2017!

Breaking up with Facebook

Dear Facebook, 

It's a new year and with new years comes new things. We've had a great relationship over the past 9 years. We laughed, we cried, we watched a lot of cat and dog videos, but lately I have really been unhappy in our relationship. I've changed. I've grown apart over the past couple years and this social media site is just too much for me. I truly tried to make this work, but I can't keep faking it anymore. Honestly, I just don't want to post personal things about my life day and night. I liked that you kept me in touch with so many awesome people but it's just not enough to keep me in this relationship. I guess what I am saying... is it's not you ... It's me. 

Please know that I am grateful for connecting me with family members and friends and if they want to keep in touch they can email me at supersmock@gmail.com or follow me on instagram: Supersmock
 It's been real... in a weird technology kind of way,
Heather 

 P.S. I am deactivating at the end of the week. Just to give you a little time for this to all sink in. And who knows maybe we can share one more cat/dog video for old time sake.

I'm just a Girl...

The other day we were driving the the song "I'm just a girl.." came on the radio and my husband told my daughter this could be her theme song in life.  She said, no this is Mom's song.  And though I have seen No Doubt/ Gwen multiple times in concert,  I am not sure this song really applies to me anymore.  

I will admit being a girl can have it's difficulties but I have found the older I get the more comfortable I am with who I am.   So as I raise a GIRL in the World these are my words of Wisdom I tell her over and over again. 

1. Have Faith and Trust in God... many things in this world don't make sense.  Like how we got to Clinton and Trump as presidential candidates.   But if you remain in faith you will know that in the ciaos - God's got it.  You don't have to figure it all out but you need to know that He does and he's got plans. 
2. Like and Love yourself - for who you are.  Too often we don't like who we are.  We try so hard to fit in or compromise ourselves because we don't like what we see.  We want others to like us but we don't even like ourselves.  Find what makes you happy and be / do / have... 
3. Don't grow up too fast - Once you're an adult... you have to do adult things... some are fun but some aren't.  Stay young as long as possible.  Time will fly by and before you know it you're really close to being a 40+ year old.  Yikes.  
4. Friends will come and Friends will go... It's sad that my child has already had many people come in and out of her life.  But I remind her that some people are just a chapter in your life. Others will be throughout the whole book.  Be a good friend no matter what and know that if someone doesn't want to be friends anymore it's their loss. 
5. Be kind.  It's hard being kind others who are mean.  Girls are mean and moody.  It's way better to turn the other cheek and say nothing than to retaliate.  This is something I didn't do so well when I was her age but I recognize how wicked and hurtful the tongue is.
6. Be Humble.  If you're smarter, prettier, funnier, able to do something others can't, etc.. don't brag ever.  Don't compare who you are to someone else either.  We are all made differently - thankfully and those who boast in themselves will never gain anything from anyone.

Being a girl is sometimes painful, physically and mentally but being a girl has so many benefits. 

We get to be mothers and sisters.  We can be mentors and best friends.  We get to wear cooler clothes and do fun things with our hair.  We get to have the better body of our species - that is curvy and round.  Some get to bore children and that's a pretty amazing experience.  We get to prove others wrong, when they think or say"you can't do that, you're just a girl."  We can be just about anything in our society - doctors, lawyers, teachers, ceos and much more. We can be just about anything we want and we have and we will continue to.  

We are lucky to be who we are... even if it's just a girl.  

I’m not that fit...

Sure I just ran another half marathon three days ago, but I am not fit.  I have been meditating on what it means to be fit and I am just not there ... yet. 

As we ran in Virginia Beach my fourteen year daughter pushed and motivated me the whole way.  My legs were tired, my knee and back both started hurting.  I just didn’t feel “it” anymore after we past mile eight.  But the entire way she said “come on mom.  We’re doing it. You can do it” And we did.   I had a personal best and I owe much of that to my daughter.   I said it was perhaps time,  her and I no longer run together because I was holding her back, but she said “You just need to train more, mom.”

That comment really stuck to me and it got me thinking about how unfit I truly am.  I didn’t train enough for this race sure but more importantly I have been wondering around really unfit with God.  It’s hard being in a transition place and feeling spiritually unfit.  

Our family has made some really big decisions based on my spiritual well-being and it weighs heavy on my heart that I am just not that fit as I need to be. 

We fall into the pattern of same-old- same-old, business as usual, daily life of repetition, and day after day... life is fun and full of adventure, but we aren’t really able to slow down enough to enjoy every day.   And what happens is we sort of accept this and make excuses for some of the broken things in our lives.  We are unfit and we know it, but we don’t care to get off the couch and move because we’re tired, scared, bored or just trying to get by.

We stay idol too long and we loss all motivation to get up and become stronger.  Because let’s face it, running a half marathon has left my body sore from head to toe and pain is hard.  I am sore today but I realize I will never get stronger if I don’t keep going. 

The same goes for my life in Christ.  Too long, I have let him sit on the sideline of my life.  I check in every now and then.  I get advice when I need it.  Read the bible when I am motivated.  Listen to praise music when I am down.  Pray when I am lonely.  But if I am honest with myself, I don’t wake up with spiritual power, eager to put him first and foremost.  I don’t do the things I know that I am called to do, because frankly I am weak. 

Thinking about becoming more fit physically is way easier than becoming more fit spiritually, right?  I know what I need to do to achieve both.  But the past has taught me it’s easy to start becoming “fit” but it’s hard to keep going and staying “fit.”   

Often times, I am humbly reminded that I was bought with a price.  A very large price.  I was given the life I have.  The Happy moments. The Struggles. The Joys. The Love. The Tears.  The Pain.  The Proud moments when your fourteen year old daughters motivates you... to keep going.  No one has it all together.   

No one is the Epitome of a perfect life... apart from Christ.  We are reminded in him that we are called to be FIT.  We must desire to grow and when we're not, he will sometimes painfully remind us. We may even wake up feeling like we just ran half marathons everyday and let me tell you the older I get... but the fact is he gives us rest, strength, answers, love.  He is for us, with us, and will provide for us through it all.   All he really wants from us is to love and to keep running the race.   

Coexisting ...

We can’t coexist when everyone throws around the word “hate and bigot” all the time.  We can’t live in a world where everyone is equal when we all believe equality is different.   I am just a simple Christian mom trying to love my husband and raise my two pretty terrific kids.  My kids are living such a different life from what my husband and I did.  They live in a different kind of generation where they are connected to the world instantly.  They go to a public school and get to be exposed to the world in sometimes a scary way… but it’s true that Jesus walked the real world  and those are models we live by. 

I get really said or maybe just disappointed when my agonist and atheist friends, which I have, want to slander my religion because it believes what it does.  I truly grieve when people think I “hate” or want there to be discrimination towards …  Muslims, homosexuals, transgender, blacks, whites, men, women, unborn, handicap, veterans, purple eyed monsters.  I mean serious the list could go on forever.  We’re all different, we all believe in different things, we live life different, we all love differently, we all struggle in different manners,  and different things are our pursuit to happiness.   This is infallible. 

But... 

Shame on anyone who belittles others.

Shame on anyone who spreads hate rather than compassion. 

Shame on anyone who thinks being different is depraved.   

I have friends right now fighting for their lives with battling cancer or other sickness.  I had friends and family members who were murdered, yes murdered.  I have friends who had abortions.  I have friends and family who’ve been divorced and remarried, some even multiple times.  I have LGBT friends, family members and neighbors (Who are simply the best neighbors in the subdivision.)  I have friends and family members who are or were addicted to drugs, alcohol, or something even worse. I have friends who are theological, intellectual, and self-sufficient.  I have friends who care nothing of religion and those who are rooted deep in their faith.  I have friends who are democrats, liberals, republicans, independent, or simply neutral to politics… but at the end of the day they are all just humans trying to find happiness and live their lives in harmony.   They are trying hard to coexist but still be true to the things that they value and hold dear. 

I personally believe that God is real, he made us in his image, he is loving and compassionate, he grieves when we grieve, and he rejoices when we rejoice.   He gave us moral laws and those moral laws differ from what society continues to push for.  God’s commands are not intended for subjugation but are rooted in love and compassion.  He doesn’t want death for us, he simply wants life. 

Society doesn’t like the word sin at all.  The bible talks a lot about it and yet our world doesn’t accept it.  But sin exists whether or not you belief in it.  Our moral laws now a days are so blended and twisted that parties on both sides of these laws purse truth in such a reckless way.   Swearing and slewing garbage at people, as Donald Trump or even some of my friends do, wasn’t the way Jesus spoke to people.  He loved people not because they were sinless but because he was sinless... 

Jesus said “He that is without sin amoung you, let him first cast a stone at her.” – John 8:7

I am tired of people casting stones at each other… aren’t you also?  I am sad that people think making political statements are more important than rising above the diversity we all face.  We will always disagree ... because we are all so different.  We can’t coexisted if we don’t first put down the stones of hatred and self- righteousness.   

Let downs and disappointments

Having a teenage daughter = the beginning of many let downs and disappointments.  As a young women and mother it's certainly hard to try and pick up your children after being let down and not getting something they really wanted.  

The most recent one for our family was yesterday. 

My daughter doesn't have the one special talent that she shines at.  She does a lot of thing good but nothing on the level of brilliant.  She isn't perfect and she is way more competitive than I would like her to be.   

She makes use a lot of really great talents she has.   She's artistic on many different levels including visual arts, drama and music, she's sporty and the only 13 year old I know to run a half marathon, she's smart  even though she struggles with reading, and most important she has a kind gentle  beautiful heart.  

What happens too often in our young girls is they see at an early age... things that hinder them most of their lives.  Things that we as parents are constantly trying to erase from their minds and hearts.  

1. We try so hard for our daughter to NOT compare herself to others.  What I tell her constantly is that God made everyone different with different looks, talents, skills, and personalities.  Even as an adult, I see me comparing myself to others constantly.  Because of not accepting who I was and comparing myself I was a jealous, scared, untalented little girl and it was really all in my head.  I encourage my daughter to let people inspire here not intimated her.  I tell her to align herself with people who will build her up not tear her down.  It's a hard task to find good wholesome people but what a wonderful world it would be if we all stopped comparing ourselves to one another.  

2. I am constantly trying to have my daughter recognize her strengths and not dwell on her weaknesses.   It took a long time to overcome the fact that my daughter is a terrible reader but her brain jumbles the letters and she's just not the same kind of reader as others her age.  She was miserable and had so much self doubt.  We all have weaknesses that we are ashamed of.  No one is perfect and though we can overcome many of our challenges and weaknesses what we must really look towards is our strengths and gifts.  We can walk on water if we had faith to do so, we just have too much self-doubt because we're constantly pointing out each other's weaknesses.  

3. Cut out negative people.  This is hard to do because there are negative people all around us.  I often think about the people who have my back in times of trouble.  I have many negative nellies around, but the people I let in my inter circle are people who got my back; who have complimentary skills to motivate, mentor, educate, love me even in times when I am unlovable.  I am the type of person who don't need people telling me I can't.. I need people to tell me You can.  I already really know what I can't do, I look for people who tell me to do it anyway and prove myself wrong.  My daughter has had to cut some of these people out of her life already.  The ones that only care about growing up too fast,  and don't care that right now it's ok to not grow up too fast.   She's had to cut out some attention seekers because she's just trying to survive middle school and don't need any additional drama.  

4.  Be a leader even when no one is looking.  This is hard for some people to understand and may seem like a lot of pressure for a teenager.  But who you are when no one is looking should be who you are when they are looking at you.   Peer Pressure is real even for a 30 something year old mom, keeping up with the Jones and sometimes looked down upon because she's not a stay home mom.  I have read a lot, a lot, a lot, about what it takes to be a good leader and actions that make you anything but.  I told my daughter that being a leader is standing up for the person being bullied, doing the right thing even when you know it won't be pretty in the end.  I recently watched a movie that the main football player turned himself in for drinking at a party and his whole team hated him.  He persevered and in the end was a far better leader doing the right thing even though it had it's disadvantages.  It's can certainly a recipes for instant let downs and disappointments...  but that's what it's all about...

5. It's ok to fail... and be ready for many failures.  I know I get so many strange faces when I honestly tell people that I hope my kids face trials and tribulations.  They look at me as though I don't love them, but my response is ... that's why I love them.  I want them to know what pressure is and when they fail they can grow.  I have found that I have done my best growing in times I failed, i.e. I wasn't picked, didn't get accepted, was cast aside.  It's when I had to fall to my knees and give up control, only then was I able to blossom and shine.  I know that through let downs and disappointments God is at work and in his timing an by his grace we can be privileged to do great things.   I told my daughter that sometimes what screws us up the most is the picture in our heads of how it's suppose to be.  But God is always at work and he always has our backs.  

So I did my best to motivate and help my daughter (once again) to help pick her up.  I was reminding her that let downs and disappointments are a fact of life.  We will have many ups, downs, and people will hurt us.  Our society often tells us to never let someone do that (be brave/ strong independent,) or to never really expect things from people to avoid being disappointed (Be jaded / cynical/ trust no one.) But that's not the way it should be.  We are aloud to cry and be mad and be sad when we're disappointed.  Get it out, let it out and then remember the words of Martin Luther King "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."  Hope is what many people have lost and that's one thing I told her is important to never lose.