Unfinished

I start a lot of painting that get pretty far along and then something happens and they remain unfinished.

There's usually a good explanation as to why I don't finish it..

It's almost as I lose interest or lose the desire to finish it.  Perhaps I'm just afraid I'll mess it up, as there have been times I keep painting and then things went sideways and I ruined it.  I find myself saying: "If I only didn't put that green there."

The other and more often excuse is I just become uninspired or interested in it.  I get stuck and just give up. I find myself saying "This isn't really that good..."  File it away to maybe someday I'll finish that.  Often times those "ruts" remain unfinished.

It's made me wonder if they're others things in my life that I treat like unfinished paints.

The answer is yes.. there are quite a few things I start then quit along the way.  I have probably 30 started blog post that have a few sentences or a couple paragraphs.  I will start a really important goal and then just give up on the pursuit.

Sometimes I wonder where I am in God's studio.  Am I getting closer to being completed or do I have a long way to go.  For now I feel very unfinished but I know he who started a good work in me will complete it I'll and I'll be a masterpiece.

Distributions and unimportant

As I put in my notice for my job, I knew there was going to be challenges... 

Hard goodbyes and missed opportunities.

Fears and doubts.

Bitterness and resentment.

But what I found out through this process was how unimportant I was on some levels, as I was told they wouldn't be filling my job.

As my job tasks started getting distributed amongst the remaining team, I was struck with the impression that my job was relevant and unimportant.  I certainly know may not be true but it was a humble reminder.

Jesus doesn't want us to make idols and he certainly doesn't want us to be prideful in the things we do or the things we have.

For me... a good career, a good title, a nice paycheck are idols.

For me... Getting praise and glory from others are idols.

When people brush me off so easily, I wonder if I was ever important and why people didn't see my beautiful idols.  Ha.

This process is reminding me... In many ways .. it's not about me.  Throughout my life journey God has to keep reminding me that I shouldn't care so much of the things of this world and I really need to fix my eyes on things above.

God is slowly making me into a beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit.  I certainly can't let anything stand in the way of that.

So during this transition, as God reminds me to throw away the idols... I choose to not care so much about being distributed and unimportant.