Don't Stop Dating...

A few months ago, I decided that I need to actively pursue to start dating my husband all over again.  Over the years we've made time for ourselves here and there but I knew it was a good time to make us a priority.  

There was nothing major going on in in our lives other than the day to day - kids - work - home things.  But after 17 years of marriage and now having children who were old enough to care for themselves for a few hours, I took the opportunity to plan a date-a-week with him. 

I recently scheduled the next few months worth and have them on both his and my calendars. Planed and ready.  

Last night, my son said to us "Why do you need to go on a date." (yes, a teachable moment.)   

We explained how it's important to keep your relationship a priority and how we enjoy spending time with each other.  

I have planned dates that cost very little money ... like a fire and wine in the backyard - to dates that are a little more expensive... dinner and dancing.  But its all worth it.  I have found that when we are actively pursuing each other we are less stressed, better connected and overall enjoying life more.  

So my challenge today is to date your spouse as often as you can.  

They say that ... breaking up is hard to do...

When you become an adult you have to make some extremely hard discussions that really kind of suck.  

Lucky for me, my life hasn't had too many of these really tough decisions that require a lot of prayer and oversight.

I recall one of those was the decision to put our dog down, who had cancer and was not well and most recently was deciding to leave our church community after 12 years.  

Yes, Breaking up is HARD to do.  12 years of service and dedication but a lot of hurt and frustration.  We gave our church the ability to pursue us and restore our relationship... but their efforts weren't timely and unsatisfactory.  

It was easy to decide to leave in our minds, but it was hard to actually decide to leave in our hearts.  We prayed about it and I read many blogs, articles and scriptures about 'when to leave' and 'why to leave'... and in the In the summer we made the jump and started visiting other churches. 

It was weird and different. As a family we knew we wanted to find something that fit all/most of our needs, which was evolving as our children are growing up.  As mature Christians we didn't think it would be hard, but it was.  

We visited some churches once and some for quite a few weeks.  We enjoyed some of the churches music and some churches their message.  We found some churches highly community driven and others not so much.  We found some churches extremely friendly and others who didn't even notice we were there.  We went to big ones and small ones.  Some Affiliated and others Unaffiliated - non denominational.   

It's a strange time for us ... to not be as plugged in to a church family as we once were.  It's hard that we kind of lost many of our friends through leaving our church and the feeling of being rejected once again.  

But I am reminded in Christ ... That this world isn't going to love us as much as he does.  We are going to be rejected (over and over again) and that doesn't define who we are in him.  

I  thought I have made peace and have given forgiveness to the whole fall out.  I thought that was all I needed to do.  This weekend I was reminded about anger and forgiveness... through grace and hope... I am now... going to forget about it.   

Smoothie ... not so smooth

The problem I have found with making my own smoothies is no matter how well I blend it ... I still end up with some green kale or spinach stuck in my teeth. 

I will be in conversation with someone at work, then causally use the restroom and while washing my hands I smile.  There it is.  Some strange green thing stuck in between tooth 11 and 12.  

I shake my head and say to myself  "Wow that's totally embarrassing."   Then I go find my floss that I keep in my desk drawer and make my dentist proud.  

In that moment of modification you think to yourself.  They will never forget how ghastly I must have looked.  You honestly believe that no one has ever had anything else stuck in their teeth and if you someone had walked by they would have video taped it and been an instant youtube star by how silly you looked.  

Right, yeah... not really.  We are all awkward at many moments of our lives.  We say stupid things, do stupid things, wear stupid things.  It doesn't matter if we're 2 or 60... life can be tricky and we should never find shame in those awkward smoothie mishaps.  

My constant rant to my daughter at the end of the day most people won't really remember or care about having green kale stuck in your teeth.  This world is so distracting and most of thing things we think are important really aren't. 

So next time you see someone who has kale stuck in their teeth, smile and politely say 'hey you have something in your teeth and I want you to know because it happens to me all the time and I always like when people tell me.'  

Most people will appreciate your honestly, some may still be embarrassed but overall I have found people can laugh about it and shake it off... kind of like a smoothie.  

Planning vs. Procrastination

It never ceases to amaze me how different my husband and I are.  

One of us is the SUPER planner - makes lists, plans ahead, constantly looks towards the future, comes up with strategies and game plans, makes sure the event or task is completed,  makes more goals, tries to get things done as quickly as possible.  This person has the calendars color coordinated and meals planned for the whole month.  Yep that's me.  

My husband on the other hand has no real motivation to get things done on a timely manner what so ever.  He blogged that he does better with a more tightly  time table. He blames it on the fact that he can't make decisions and therefore when you're under pressure you have to make the decision.   He owns up to his procrastination and is trying to get better. 

Even though we have our many differences we balance each other out nicely.  I am clearly and extrovert whereas, he is completely an introvert.  

But I found that even though we are both different in how we execute things ... we both can feel super stressed.  I start to get overwhelmed even sad when I don't have something planned.  When the vacation I planned for 6 months is over and I have nothing more to plan or do.  The other issue with trying to always be on the go (other than getting burned out) is getting bored and easily distracted.  

My husband on the other hand gets stressed out when he's waited to the last minute and there are problems in completing the task.  Things he didn't factor in to the equation and the little things that no one could've really seen.  He knows often times if he started the task a little sooner he would have the time to work out all those bugs.  He always seems to have the 'bugs' too.  

So together we try and figure out good balances of doing things NOW and LATER.  I need to be more spontaneous and my husband needs to be a bit more organized...  We'll get there.  

All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust

Sometimes when I meet one of my daughters teenage friends, I ask them "what do you want to be when you grow up... because I am still looking for ideas." 

It's true I have what appears to a grown up life.  I have a spouse and kids.  I have a job.  I pay taxes. I have a student loan and a mortgage payment.  I vote and I drive around.  Most days I look like a pretty normal grown-up.  

But the true is, I don't want to grow up fully.  I don't want to have to 'clean up' after myself and be completely self-sufficient and thankfully I don't have to be. Jesus said, unless you are converted and become like children you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 

We often times get to concerned with looking onward at the next great adventure but we forget to really live. We go through the motions and before we know it life has past us by. Peter Pan is one of my favorite Disney characters because he never misses a moment to live. He lives for adventure. Granted he doesn't really live in reality but he sure does like to have fun. Life does have to be balanced but life needs child-like faith and jollification (what a fun word.) 

So as a semi-grown-up - my challenge today is to look for adventures, don't rush on to the next things, slow down, don't try to grow up too fast - and just enjoy where you are right now.  

What are you afraid of?

It's Friday the 13th a day in which urban legends come out and people become a little bit superstitious or a little more frightful.   

I remember in the late 90s - early 2000s playing Friday the 13th on the Sega Genesis.... 
All was fine in the day light as you walked around the campground and sometimes you had to get in the boat to go across the lake to the other side. 

Life was good... The children were safe.  Then it started to get dark... your Children numbers started dropping, and you had to go find what was taking the children and you knew what was taking them. 

You now had to search each of the cabins and in the darkeness even though you expected it at every turn Boom there was JASON and you just said holy S#@T  and screamed a bit in terror.  

You took your little rock and threw it at Jason and did your best to dodge the knife as he slashed at you.   Sometimes you defeated him, Sometimes he killed you.  Sometimes he ran away or sometimes you ran away.  But If you ran away he always chased you outside..  

It was a bit terrifying as a kid and yet you continued to play the game because it was fun and entertaining.  We learned that a little bit of fear can bring out something extraordinary.  Sometimes when we're afraid we grow stronger.  Sometimes we just want to hit under the bed and wait for the big bad to go away.   But facing a beast such as JASON with a little rock really did make you feel like David facing Goliath.  

As I've gotten older scary movies aren't entertaining to me anymore  (not that I ever really recall being a huge fan of them.)  But between the blood and gore.. it's too real in life.  I have had family members and friends murdered and it doesn't entertain me to watch it in a movie or on tv.    

But as I think of today being Friday the 13th ... one of the scariest days of the year.  Think about thing things that make you fearful. 

Ask yourself...  What am I afraid of?  

Operation... Contentment

This morning I was praying about Contentment (once again) ... I know this is something that I struggle with as most people in the modern world do.  I have tried to read many books on how to stay content or no long for things that I don't really need. 

It's like watching HGTV and seeing all the beautiful homes and remodeling and decorating that is done in just a simple 45 minutes.  How does Chip and Joanna make it look that easy.  They have a beautiful life and sometimes I get caught up in the: I wish I had that...  OK maybe it's more often than I would like to admit.  

But God doesn't have that life/plan for me and even if I have the same gifts of decorating or remodeling, right now he has me right were I am suppose to be. 

Most of the time, I can snap out of those "I WISH..." moments other times I struggle.   I know it's usually a heart issue rather than a 'thing' issue.  

I thought I had contentment all figured out until I was in prayer this morning.  Scripture is clear that we are to not chase after worldly things and that godliness with contentment is a great gain. 

God wants us to be satisfied with the THINGS we have. We shouldn't long for money, or sex, or food, or power, or stuff, or title, or prestige... but we should long for Love, for Peace, For faith...  

Most days I am content with were I am in my walk of faith.   I am not bitter, I am not angry, but I am also not really growing.  God is constantly wanting us to change in ways we sometimes can't fathom.  Because honestly we've taken notes that say "I am content in this one place of my life... my faith." Sometimes I think he wants us to be more disciplined but also innovative.  

Sometimes I need to purge thoughts of going on a fancy vacation because I know God wants me to support international missions.  

Sometimes I need to purge the thought of having a bigger and better house because God allowed me to be part of Habitat for Humanity and I so value it's principles.  

Sometimes I need to get out of my bed and go walk with Lord rather than sleep a little longer in my warm cozy bed. 

Sometimes I need to put down Minecraft or shut off Netflix and pick up my bible or read a devotional with my kids.  

It's hard to be disciplined ... each day I am learning a little more about what Life is all about.   

I will still struggle with the "gimmes" and I need to constantly be reminded that the things of this world come and go.  But I can no longer be content with the kind of person I am most days.  Unloving and Unlovable and too comfortable to change the things I really would like to change... my heart.   

Everything Must Go

So I am reading this book on Prayer and it mentioned something I never quite heard or thought of before. 

The subtitle of the section was: Garage Sale and for a moment I was excited.  I love Garage Sales.  I love finding deals and going through other peoples 'junk.' 

But it wasn't about finding lost treasures... rather it stated that every now and then we need to have SPIRITUAL Garage Sales for over-selves. 

At that moment, my mind was blown.  Truly. 

Too often we keep hold of things that we really shouldn't be holding on to anymore.  Not just fully spiritual / religious things but things things that aren't making us any better.  

Like the dusty treadmills we keep around in the event we are determined to get back in shape ...  we hold on to resentment from someone that hurt us 20 years ago.  We don't forgive.

We keep the broken blender because who knows we may someday get the skills or abilities to fix it ... we are plagued with all the times we didn't complete the task or failed.  We don't accept things. 

We too often hang on to anger, greed, resentment, fear or whatever else that is holding us back.  There are a lot of things I need give over to God...

I think this year I am going to have one heck of a spiritual garage sale.   

Why can't we be friends

Very recently I found out that a friend of mine lied to me about something.  I gathered that she didn't want to hurt my feelings about it, so perhaps she just thought a little white lie wouldn't matter and spare my feelings.  But after hearing the truth from another friend, it got me thinking about our friendship.  

What does it say about your friendship that you're willing to tell one friend the truth and another friend a white lie, which last time I checked was a ... lie.  Now I could certainly go to said friend and inquire the truth and seek some sort of reconciliation but it comes back to the fact that person is an untrustworthy friend.  

I am sure that we all have different things that are deal breakers in our relationships.  But what should be the qualities of a good friend?  I continually try to share traits/qualities I believe are worthy with my teenage daughter.  This is something that can be difficult at the moody ages of 14-15 years old.  

She had a very good friend text her not that long ago that she didn't want to be friends anymore.  The girl was upset with something my daughter did and just decided that instead of going to her and telling her the truth or the reason she was upset, that a text breaking up was a better solution. This didn't bode well at all with my daughter.  

I think we're getting lazy in our relationships.  Rather than speaking truth that can be painful we would rather tell a white lie or simply just abort the relationship.  

So what I have concluded is that if the friendship is really worth it... try to save it.  Make a best effort to go to that person for reconciliation.  However, if the person isn't really someone what brings joy or makes you want to be a better person... don't.   Don't try and sugar coat a relationship that perhaps just ins't meant to be. 

Friends come and sadly sometimes go.  Some are around for a paragraph in your life book and others might be around for many chapters. 

Smiling is my Favorite

This year I decided to put Smiling More on my New Years Resolution. 

Among the mighty list of things I would like to improve upon this year ... having a positive deposition being positive is one of the biggest.  

Smiling can be a form a therapy and just think... It's free.  A long time ago, I took a customer service class and they stated that you should always answer the phone with a smile.  Over the years I have answered the phone with a smile and I have answered the phone with a "what the heck" attitude.  I guarantee  the caller knew the difference.  

I hope to smile at all those walking pass me because I don't know who needs it.  When my family is frustrated or moody I am hoping that I will choose to smile and help them become more positive.  When I am in a boring meeting and my eyes want to roll back and I want to crawl under the table... I hope that I can remember to smile.  

So I invite you to join me, and make smiling your favorite in 2017!

Breaking up with Facebook

Dear Facebook, 

It's a new year and with new years comes new things. We've had a great relationship over the past 9 years. We laughed, we cried, we watched a lot of cat and dog videos, but lately I have really been unhappy in our relationship. I've changed. I've grown apart over the past couple years and this social media site is just too much for me. I truly tried to make this work, but I can't keep faking it anymore. Honestly, I just don't want to post personal things about my life day and night. I liked that you kept me in touch with so many awesome people but it's just not enough to keep me in this relationship. I guess what I am saying... is it's not you ... It's me. 

Please know that I am grateful for connecting me with family members and friends and if they want to keep in touch they can email me at supersmock@gmail.com or follow me on instagram: Supersmock
 It's been real... in a weird technology kind of way,
Heather 

 P.S. I am deactivating at the end of the week. Just to give you a little time for this to all sink in. And who knows maybe we can share one more cat/dog video for old time sake.