Embrace your Imperfections

Birthday's always inspire me to do something .. evaluate where I am and who I am. 

What I am finding out the older I get is the more I embrace my imperfections.  

We live in a world that is constantly telling us to be 'perfect'  I am too old to know that we are never going to be perfect and more importantly that the world just wants us to constantly question who we are.  

Heck - even our phones take out any flaws and make us look... way more spectacular that we really look:

"Face Beauty Auto"

"Real life me"

So today, I am turning off auto filter and letting you know some of my imperfections! 

1. I have no musical talent WHAT SO EVER … and when I sing along with the radio (which I do often and so much enjoy)  I am out of tune, the lyrics are half wrong, and even though I look like I might be the best headbanger in the world.. I am not.  

2. I worry way too much.  I worry about my family, my career, even my electric bill.. I worry when I shouldn't.  I worry so much at times - I don't sleep and then I worry about my health and well being.  I know that My faith tells me to not worry.. but then I worry I am living my faith all wrong.  

3.  I know I shouldn't care what people think of me... but I secretly do.  I guess we all want to be liked and one of the "cool popular" people.  We try way to hard to be the "perfect" friend or people pleaser.  I want to seem cool.. have cool hair... make cool things.  But I know deep down I am not cool 99.9% of the time. 

4. My body is far - far - far from perfect. I have gray hair.  I have crocked teeth.  I have scars.  I have acne.  I have wrinkles.  And I have stretch marks.  My ideal weight is off about 15 pounds and my cholesterol is starting to border on the higher side. My hair is frizzy all the time.  I don't get enough good sleep so I am starting to look like a raccoon at times.  I am never going to be a model and the true is I am short and somewhat stalky.  

5. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I am constantly setting up some lofty goals because I am secretly trying to figure out my purpose in life.  What am I good at, What makes the world a little more better?  What am I doing with my life?  I feel like I am constantly challenging the status quo but stuck in the I must live the "Happy American Dream."  And yet, I am doing everything in my power to keep up with the 'Jones' and grow my 401K, so one day I can say: "I made it."  

            and that's only a few... so many more..

I believe, we all need to be a little more transparent instead of letting the "Face beauty auto" correct us.  The world tell us who we should be.  What we should look like.  How "Perfect" is suppose to look like.

We need to embrace those imperfections.  

Raising a daughter has taught me that it's ok to show your true self.  Lead by example and teach your daughters (and sons) that it's ok to be yourself and true to who you are. You shouldn't have to hide any imprecations because we all have them and they make use all unique. 

God made us all beautiful in our own ways and he loves us even in our imperfections.  

We all need to love ourselves for what we are instead of hating ourselves for what we're not. 

#embraceyourimperfections

6 States Away

So it happened.  My daughter graduated high school and went off to college - six states away.  Not just a college but a Military college. 

(and in a pandemic...) 

I thought I would cry, but I didn't.  

It was as good as it could be. She looked nervous and unsure about the next chapter.  She knows that it will be more difficult and probably the hardest thing she has yet to have done.  She grew up quite comfortable and knows those comforts are gone for now.  

It is all natural and part of letting them grow up.  I am happy for her next chapter and yet a little sad that I won't get to be an active part of it.  

It makes me question all the years of parenting.. did I equip her enough to handle all the things life will throw at her... because I know life comes at you hard some times. 

I know deep down things will be good, but will she have the strength to really preserve when things get tough?  I pray she does and I trust God's hand and plan. I know he's guided her to this spot and she will continued to grow. 

I am lucky parenting never stops and that she will always be my daughter - even when she's six states away. 

Sometimes..

Sometimes the things we want are really hard and we quit to easily.  

Sometimes we don't quit and we find success.

Sometimes when life throw us curve balls - we swing and strike out. 

Sometimes we swing and knock it out of the park. 

Sometimes we find ourselves at a crossroad and take the wrong path in the wrong directions. 

Sometimes we stop and ask for directions and take the right path. 

Sometimes we get lost. 

Sometimes we get found. 

Sometimes we just want to hide. 

Sometimes we just want to seek. 

Sometimes we love. 

Sometimes we hate. 

Sometimes we dance. 

Sometimes we cry. 

Sometimes we're amazed at the beauty,

Sometimes we are sad by the ugliness. 

Sometimes we live fully. 

Sometimes we don't live much at all

Sometimes - is only just sometimes.  

Patience and bead weaving

My mother in law makes the most beautiful jewelry.

I imagine it takes hours and hours, to pick all the colors, sort the beads, then string them all together with all the different styles and arrangements.

And although I'm not a huge jewelry person, I find her work of art to be beautiful and a testimony towards patience.

I have always known I lack patience.  At to an early age I recognized my lack of patience. I am the last born in my family and always wanted to go first but always ended up going last.  I hate waiting in long lines. And I sometimes spontaneously rush to get the things I want even though I was told to wait. 

I struggle with the verse.. I waited patiently for the Lord.  But I often find myself in that situation.  Learning to be patient isn't something that I enjoy but I'm slowly learning that you can find happiness and even contentment while in a time of waiting. 

So, when I find myself being inpatient, I pull out my jewelery from my mother in law and reminded how beautiful things come out of being patient.

Get it together

I'm 40 now, I really should have my s*** together ... but here I am days before the new year planning out how to get my s*** together ... again.

This year will bring many new things. My first born will graduate high school and move off into the world.  I often ask myself, did I prepare her enough?  Did I screw up along the way?

Then there's my 13 year old son... Is he becoming a godly man? Does he have what it takes to endure adolescence and puberty?  

then I think of all the other things that are even more important than being a mother ... My marriage, my body, my mind, and my soul.  Have I been properly feeding those things?

I like New year's. I like New year's resolutions.  I like having goals.  And I like challenging myself.  And yet I still think I have a long way before I truly have my s*** together.  

She's not 39... Anymore...

Over 20 years ago when I was in high school, my youth group leader Bonnie was turning 40.

Jim (her husband) and I rewrote the lyrics to I can't cry anymore by Sheryl Crow and sang "She's not 39 anymore..."

Funny how I somewhat forgot about that and now... Soon I'll be singing that myself.

I don't quiet recall at the age of 16 where I wanted to be when I turned forty but I'm pretty sure I wanted to be much like Bonnie.

She was a pretty epic person and considering I didn't deserve her love she gave it so freely.

I've been reflecting alot on the person I was then and the person I am today. I'm amazed where and how I traveled and the journey in which God lead me. I often wondering, where did the days and years go?

I'm not sure I really recall what my 16 year old self would be at   at my  16 year would be at age 40. l daughter look a lot at my daughter and an reminded of the youthfulness and sence of adventure. 

Turing 40 is strange and so real but one things for sure I won't be 39 anymore.

Unfinished

I start a lot of painting that get pretty far along and then something happens and they remain unfinished.

There's usually a good explanation as to why I don't finish it..

It's almost as I lose interest or lose the desire to finish it.  Perhaps I'm just afraid I'll mess it up, as there have been times I keep painting and then things went sideways and I ruined it.  I find myself saying: "If I only didn't put that green there."

The other and more often excuse is I just become uninspired or interested in it.  I get stuck and just give up. I find myself saying "This isn't really that good..."  File it away to maybe someday I'll finish that.  Often times those "ruts" remain unfinished.

It's made me wonder if they're others things in my life that I treat like unfinished paints.

The answer is yes.. there are quite a few things I start then quit along the way.  I have probably 30 started blog post that have a few sentences or a couple paragraphs.  I will start a really important goal and then just give up on the pursuit.

Sometimes I wonder where I am in God's studio.  Am I getting closer to being completed or do I have a long way to go.  For now I feel very unfinished but I know he who started a good work in me will complete it I'll and I'll be a masterpiece.