Gesso

As an occasional painter, I've been known to take an old painting and paint over it.

There's a product called white gesso and it's purpose is to prime a canvas for oil painting and pre-prime and old paintings to be used again.

It hides all the color that is under it but it doesnt hide the texture or previous strokes.

Often times in life we have to somewhat start all over again.  Perhaps it's restarting after a bad relationship, or a medical procedure that had left you different than before, or a job or career that hasn't really fulfilled you.  Most of the time we find ourselves wanting to cover up a major mistake.

Sometimes we wish life had a gesso option.  Something that could cover up everything that was there before.  A new start...

As for me, I know it's my sinful heart that longs for the whiteness and freshness of a new clean canvas.  One thing that often gives me great comfort is... Jesus is my gesso. 

He paid for my sins and his life makes me white again and covers my iniquities.  Much like the gesso coving up a old painting.  He covers it.  My scars are much like the texture of the paint.. still there but covered and healed.  I'm able to be new through him.

I'm ok with being pre-prime over and over again as long ... as it takes to become that masterpiece God has in store for me.  I'm his work of art and he is at work.

Building blocks

When I was a kid, I loved building things out of wooden blocks. 

Mostly I would build houses and lay down blocks to design floor plans.  I would lay out each room, then I would bring in with my little wooden people and have them occupy my creation.

Lately, I've been thinking about building people rather than building things out of blocks.

People can be just as fragile as my houses built out of kid blocks.  One easy brush and they fall down.  It's far too easy to year people down. 

I'm constantly looking at ways I can do the latter and build people up.  I challenge my (hot tempered) husband to do the same.  We both struggled with tearing people down rather than building them up.   It's too easy to tell your teenage daughter that she's not capable of doing something rather than inspiring her to reach for the stars.

When you think about the life of Jesus.. He always built people up (except for the hypocritical Pharisees... He tried to tear them down...) He healed, hung out and encouraged the broken lives around him daily. 

The next time you are in a situation to say something ugly or say something lovely.

  

Choose to build up...

On a mission

13 years ago... My husband and I were in the process of becoming overseas missionaries.  We were pretty far along in the process, approved by our mission agency, blessed by our elders, and waiting the call from missionaries in Latin America.

We knew we had many things to overcome to make it a reality but we were willing and able.  We never thought God was going to shut the door as far as he opened it.

Spring of 2006 - was the worst season of our lives.  When we heard the word "cancer" we crumbled.  We didn't know what to expect but we also found out we were "expecting."

Between having a baby, termites, job loss and cancer - we closed the door in great great sadness.

God used us in some pretty amazing ways but there has also been a small void in my life wondering what it would been like to serve him in the field. 

Almost every day of my life, I keep asking God ... "What am I supposed to be doing?"
Why does it feel like I'm failing at my calling.. whatever that may be. 

Deep down I know he's guiding me through but through each season and as I slowly get older and older... I'm left wondering what's my mission.  

Encouragement.. it's free

I've had some great people on my life who've really been there to encourage me when I needed it the most. There have also been times when I had no one really there encouraging.

When going through a trial or even just a season of disappointments it important to find people who help encourage you.  

However, it's almost more important to remember that you're also called to help build people up and encourage... Even when you yourself are feeling a bit down.

It doesn't cost anything to tell someone they're awesome or doing a great job or they are valued.   I'm sure most people feel unimportant, useless or redundant more often than they would like to admit. 

We're human and vulnerable. So be there reason someone smiles today... Might even make you feel pretty good yourself.

Trust but verify

What takes the longest to earn and the shortest to lose.. Trust.

I have always love Ronald Reagan's quote.. "Trust, but verify"

As I've gotten older I don't trust people all that much.  I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I've been lied to enough through the years that I don't typically take peoples word.  Part of me feels that even if what they are telling me is true then.. could change and be false later.

I've also seen first hand how trusting people often gets us hurt.. both physically and more so emotionally.

With my companies recent acquisition... I'm faced with this notion that I need to trust them when they say my job isn't in danger.  But in reality there is no guarantee that I'm safe or that my job is going to stay the same. 

Jesus spoke a lot about trusting as he knew we don't seem to do that very often or easily.

He tells us to put this trust in him... to take a step on the water.  Over and over again I hear Jesus whisper, "do you trust me?"  If I'm honest with myself.. I have a hard time trusting in him alone at times.  I always feel I need to "verify" it.  And in those moments... I sink.  Doubt and fear are terrible things.

I personally can't always see God's love and plans in a tangible way,  but the best thing about faith is... Knowing that even though I can't see what is true and what will happen...  God already verified it all.. through Christ. 

I use to be that...

Since my company recently got aquired, things have already started to change.

My current boss told me that each Monday I have to email my daily banking to three corporate employees.

Naturally, I googled them to see who exactly I will be communicating with.

One is the CFO, one the project finance director and the last one the director of finance.  

There was a sad moment when I really honestly thought to myself.  "I use to be a director of finance and now I'm just a plan accountant." 

I hate those "just a" moments.  It's that brief moment when we believe the lies of the world.  Lies that tell us we're nobody or meaningless. 

If I'm honest with myself.. I struggle with those more than anything.  Being something or somebody. 

My husband tells me I struggle with this, because of my childhood and being constantly told I wasn't smart enough or good enough by by family.  Somehow in my subconscious mind I honestly don't feel important and I have to prove something to the world.

It's amazing what Satan uses as a foothold.  Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that ..

we use to be lost
we use to be broken
and we use to be dead..

but in Christ we are none of those things and we are something better now.

I just need to sometimes remind myself..

Sure, I used to be that... But now I'm so more than that.

Being a UNICORN

Fill in the blank.  I recently started filling out applications for my MBA.

One of the things that surprised me was that all the applications had two special questions.  One was what is your gender with a drop down box: male or female.  Then they have a blank text field for what you freely identity what you feel is your gender identification.

I felt like filling out "I am a unicorn."

Our society has decided we can't label anyone and to be P.C. we have to allow people to be have the ability to choose who or what we want to be.

Often we make tragic mistakes thinking that things or people can develop our identity.

I would love to be a magical unicorn but without the use of drugs, I will never be able to fly through the stars delivering the rainbow all around the world.  So for now I will just be me..  

 I don't really struggle with my identity because I already gave it placed it in the best hands.  Perhaps I should right in the blank box:  2 Corinthians 5:17