Trust but verify

What takes the longest to earn and the shortest to lose.. Trust.

I have always love Ronald Reagan's quote.. "Trust, but verify"

As I've gotten older I don't trust people all that much.  I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I've been lied to enough through the years that I don't typically take peoples word.  Part of me feels that even if what they are telling me is true then.. could change and be false later.

I've also seen first hand how trusting people often gets us hurt.. both physically and more so emotionally.

With my companies recent acquisition... I'm faced with this notion that I need to trust them when they say my job isn't in danger.  But in reality there is no guarantee that I'm safe or that my job is going to stay the same. 

Jesus spoke a lot about trusting as he knew we don't seem to do that very often or easily.

He tells us to put this trust in him... to take a step on the water.  Over and over again I hear Jesus whisper, "do you trust me?"  If I'm honest with myself.. I have a hard time trusting in him alone at times.  I always feel I need to "verify" it.  And in those moments... I sink.  Doubt and fear are terrible things.

I personally can't always see God's love and plans in a tangible way,  but the best thing about faith is... Knowing that even though I can't see what is true and what will happen...  God already verified it all.. through Christ. 

I use to be that...

Since my company recently got aquired, things have already started to change.

My current boss told me that each Monday I have to email my daily banking to three corporate employees.

Naturally, I googled them to see who exactly I will be communicating with.

One is the CFO, one the project finance director and the last one the director of finance.  

There was a sad moment when I really honestly thought to myself.  "I use to be a director of finance and now I'm just a plan accountant." 

I hate those "just a" moments.  It's that brief moment when we believe the lies of the world.  Lies that tell us we're nobody or meaningless. 

If I'm honest with myself.. I struggle with those more than anything.  Being something or somebody. 

My husband tells me I struggle with this, because of my childhood and being constantly told I wasn't smart enough or good enough by by family.  Somehow in my subconscious mind I honestly don't feel important and I have to prove something to the world.

It's amazing what Satan uses as a foothold.  Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that ..

we use to be lost
we use to be broken
and we use to be dead..

but in Christ we are none of those things and we are something better now.

I just need to sometimes remind myself..

Sure, I used to be that... But now I'm so more than that.

Being a UNICORN

Fill in the blank.  I recently started filling out applications for my MBA.

One of the things that surprised me was that all the applications had two special questions.  One was what is your gender with a drop down box: male or female.  Then they have a blank text field for what you freely identity what you feel is your gender identification.

I felt like filling out "I am a unicorn."

Our society has decided we can't label anyone and to be P.C. we have to allow people to be have the ability to choose who or what we want to be.

Often we make tragic mistakes thinking that things or people can develop our identity.

I would love to be a magical unicorn but without the use of drugs, I will never be able to fly through the stars delivering the rainbow all around the world.  So for now I will just be me..  

 I don't really struggle with my identity because I already gave it placed it in the best hands.  Perhaps I should right in the blank box:  2 Corinthians 5:17

Why I don’t hate being an accountant.

When I was a child I didn’t want to be an accountant.  I wanted to be an architect. 

The problem was, I wasn’t the best student and frankly I was terrible at math.  Yes, terrible at math.  But … I’m an accountant.  Yep.  I joke with people that I don’t love numbers until you put the Dollar sign in front of them. Then I’m interested.

Even at an early age, I was an entrepreneur.   I had my first job at 12 and my summers consisted of picking and selling vegetables at a local farmer stand in Western PA and delivering the Butler Eagle to about 35 families.  I worked because – I wanted money.  I loved money. 

In High school, I had two part-time jobs dishwashing and general contracting / commercial construction laborer.  When I graduated I decided to take a gap year and work for Habitat for Humanity International as an AmeriCrorps member.   I loved construction and after all I did want to be an architect.  Why not build the houses before designing them?  I did residential construction for a year and half and decided I didn’t love building them after all. 

I started off as an Administrative Assistant and worked my way up to an office manager.  Then changed jobs and became and Accounting Assistant and worked my way up to Director of Finance.  I wasn’t the world’s greatest Accountant… but I worked hard, built relationships and put myself through college while working and raising a family.  I was successful – because I was determined.  Did I love what I did… well not really but I was decent at it.  

When people meet me, they are always shocked that I am an accountant as I don’t fit that mold all that well.  I say that I would like to create a club called the Extroverted Accountants – but I would probably be the only member.    I don't hate being an accountant, but I am starting to hate money. 

It’s interesting how life unfolds… many people don’t end up in their dream jobs or even remotely know what those are.  I am starting to think my dream job is retirement, but that’s long ways off.  I joke that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up… I just know that we are called to evolve and grow and do whatever it is the Lord puts before you.