I doubt so many things, and people. I often don't give people the 'benefit of the doubt' and I am constantly waiting for the promises people make to be broken. I am just so full of doubt at times. I am not really afraid, just cynical. And all too often I doubt that God is going to take care of me (and specifically my family.)
I am constantly uncertain about so many things but that's what makes me so human. I feel like I have been worn down to a rusty nail at times. Having been criticized by parents and siblings, Not being acknowledged for the special things I have done or accomplished, spending time with toxic people, or even being rejected by my peers and friends. It starts small and gathers over time.
When you find your self in constant doubt, you become numb to the world. I feel like I am here again and again and this is a constant battle in which I face. I build my little doubt house and put a sign on the door that says "Keep Out". I know deep down that I shouldn't be such a pessimistic, especially when it comes to God, yet I can't help myself.
I know with all my heart and mind, He will never forsake me and will always be watching over me. Yet I am often like doubting Thomas.
I can really relate to Thomas, he wasn't going to believe unless he saw it with his own eyes and touched the wounds with his hands. The Lord said to Thomas, “Do not doubt, but believe.”
It's reassuring to me that everyone goes through times of doubt (sometimes over and over again much like myself.) Peter was walking on the water and then sinks when he doubts even thought it was just a second of doubt.
I am reminded that I learn to be faithful even within my doubt. Thomas didn't stay a doubter. He gets the bad wrap for being known as the doubter, but he over comes it and goes on to be a huge advocate for Christ Jesus.
I know that times I need to have more faith in God and more faith in people.
I need to acknowledge my doubts, not dwell in then and move on. Life is short and we all face trails and tribulations in some form or another, doubt is just one of my many.
